More Kush'n for the Pushin'

I've got something you can put between your boobs while you sleep.

Hey-yo!

Tron Man Sells Plane

So apparently "Tron Man" had to sell his plane because the economy sucks. I really don't care. What's funny is that there was a guy that I used to work with that I swore was Tron Man. Like I would have bet money. I used to ask co-workers if that was really him and then totally not believe them when they would tell me about real Tron Man. They would talk about how he lived in Ohio or some shit and I was all "Riiiiiight." I still think it might be him.

Those of you who know where I used to work will understand why it is not at all far-fetched for Tron Man to be one of my co-workers.

If you've never heard of this guy before then may I introduce you to Jay Maynard, the one and only Tron Man. He likes Tron, apparently.

PS That shit lights up!

Transformers Candies: A Scientific Study in One Part

If I've learned anything in my 31 years on this planet, it is these two nuggets: I am very resistant to hypnotism and super-susceptible to marketing campaigns. (An Angry Whopper?! Does it make me angry or is it angry? Screw it. I'll take one. With onion rings please.)

Case in point, the Mars Company's new Transformers movie candy offerings. I guess the idea is to dress up M&Ms like Transformers on the wrapper and idiots will buy them just for shits and giggles. Brilliant idea!

While at my local Walgreen's Pharmacy today I was informed of a 3 for $2 deal by the nice gentleman behind the counter. I bit hard. In addition to the regular Peanut M&Ms, I also picked up a Snickers "Nougat Bar" (since when is it a nougat bar) with special yellow nougat.

Holy shit! Bumblebee!

Rounding out my trio of confections is the ungodly sounding Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms. I was not previously aware that you could actually "strawberry" something, but I guess we have Michael Bay to thank. It seems like something he would come up with.

I was on the fence with these things for about a second and then decided to just suck it up and give them a try for you my loyal readers. The man behind the counter gave a glowing review which really swayed my decision. He said that "...some people say that they like them and other people said that they didn't. So, you know." Well, shit. Sounds good.

He later went on to tell me that you only live once and you need to live for the day. You don't know if you're even going to wake up tomorrow. I contemplated these words for a moment and reaffirmed my decision to buy this crap. Mostly because I was only out 67 cents if the M&Ms sucked.

But let's not gloss over the important part of the story. Walgreen's is like a modern-day church of truth. You can pick up candy, soda, condoms and life lessons.

Now on to the RESULTS!

I started with the Snickers "Nougat Bar." Thanks to cutting-edge scientific instruments (my pocket knife) I can bring you guys the straight dope. The package is not bullshitting you. The nougat... is... yellow.

It basically tastes like a Snickers bar though, so nothing too exciting.

Next up was the Strawberried Peanut M&Ms. These don't look too much different than other Peanut Butter M&Ms except for some little red spotties on the shell to denote that they have been, in fact, "strawberried." Take a look at the cross-section.

Nothing too different, or so I suppose. I've never cut a Peanut M&M in half before. It looks like I expected it to look though. As for the taste, once again Mars was not kidding. These Peanut M&Ms are definitely strawberried. I can't really describe it other than to say that it tastes like strawberry-flavored peanut butter inside a chocolate candy shell. Its one of those things you really don't need to try. This isn't the sort of thing you will regret on your death bed.

The really interesting thing about this new abortion of a candy is the doors it opens up. If you can flavor peanut butter what's next. Maybe they can grape up a few of those bad boys and make a sweet PB&J M&M. That's a lot of letters but I think it could work. I guess we kind of have that with these strawberry ones, but I always preferred grape jelly and its my damn idea.

Oh yeah. The regular Peanut M&Ms are just regular Peanut M&Ms and are awesome as always.

In conclusion, Walgreen's was pretty fun. I also got a Sprite from the soda fountain and added a raspberry flavor shot. It sucked shit but it was fun playing mad scientist at the fountain. Next time I go there I promise to pick up a box of Dwight Yoakam's Finger-Lickin' Chicken Fries and give you a full review.

Good Eats: BGR

As many people know, I love burgers. They are probably my favorite food. If I were on death row I think I would ask for a big bacon cheeseburger with steak fries and onion rings. I could die a happy man after that.

But since I won't have to choose any last meals any time soon (The Man has to catch me first!) I can sit down to eat a burger knowing full well that I can do the same damn thing the next day. Which sadly happens more often then I would like to admit.

Over the weekend, my boy MC Smooth B and I made our way down to Rockville for an abortive climbing session. After our laughable attempts to recapture the glory of our youth we got down to business and did what we do best. Shop for gear at REI. After we worked up an appetite, we made our way to our favorite new burger joint, BGR.

Located in the tony area of Bethesda, BGR caters to the upscale clientele that makes a royal like myself feel right at home. Its a fun little place with a simple mission: deliver a superior burger. They do not disappoint. The menu runs the gamut from regular old burgers and sliders to Cuban-style burgers, veggie burgers and more. Additionally, you can get some very good steak fries, sweet potato fries and onion rings. They can all be topped with Garlic, Parmesan and Rosemary as well.

On this particular visit, we started off with their very tasty Lobster Roll. Its a bit pricey for an appetizer, but B-Lo and I like to splurge on our little man dates. The roll comes with a shit ton of very sweet lump and claw meat mixed with a light mayo-based sauce and is served on potato rolls.

Brian decided to go with the Sliders because he's just a little guy and can't hang with the real carnivores. To each his own. He seems to be a fan of the kids' meal though.

I went with BGR's Burger of the Month, which was really really good. It was called "Raising the Bar" and I think it was the result of a pissing match with a local watering hole. My guess is that they tried to outdo BGR and they countered with this awesome hamburger sandwich.

Its 11 oz. of dry-aged beef. I really can't say enough about this burger. The meat was fantastic and buttery and most importantly it was big. I opted for bacon and cheddar only being a fan of the simple flavors. I threw a little mayonnaise on it and then when that section was done I tried some A1. This thing kicked ass. I'm going to try and get down there before the end of the month to get it again.

All in all, this place is a burger-lovers paradise. It has everything you need from a burger place without any of the BS. As an added bonus, they were playing VH1 Classics while we were there so we got to watch a special on the one-hit wonders of the rap world. Vanilla Ice, Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock and some others made the list as you may well expect, but then they threw the Sugarhill Gang on there. They may not have had a lot of chart toppers, but they were pioneers. I think that's just ignorant.

Anyway, check out the video because its kind of fun. My personal favorites include the disco dancing, Hank the fat dude in the tiny t-shirt and the guy who wore the turtleneck and sweater to the rap video. How embarrassing. Also, I promise there is no rape in the video. Some YouTube ass just spelled it wrong.

SUPER ADDED BONUS!: This video is the shit. I'm trying to make it the National Anthem of Dundalk, but am running into problems. They all seem to like "Friends in Low Places."

I like how Rob Base just looks all over the place when he raps in the record store. That's fucking gangster. Also, I will KILL for that green Nike sweatsuit the one dude is wearing. In summation, I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac.

Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock - It takes two
Uploaded by rakim69150. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

They're Playing Basketball. We Love that Basketball.

Check out my boy Greg Nice above the rim. He spends so much time up there that I hear that he's thinking of buying a condo. Its a nice neighborhood.

MC Smooth B has the wettest J I've ever seen. He was making it rain out there. That's why I call him the Weatherman.

Its really hard for Nice 'n' Smooth to look so pretty out there, but they make it look easy.

I'm pretty shitty at basketball. I was always better at contact sports and cage-fighting.

The Second Poll is Closed!

Well, the second poll has come and gone. It looks like participation was slacking a little bit too. I guess you all weren't aware that it is worth 25% of your final grade. Maybe I can throw some extra credit your way in the near future.

The runaway winner was the Ice Breakers Iced Tea mint stories with over 75% of the vote. Only one person each asked for more stories about me and Tasteful nudes, but those were kind of trick questions. You're getting them anyway.

Now that the people have spoken, I'll have to figure out something to say about the Iced Tea Mints or maybe just candy in general. I think I've covered all the flavors so I'll have to cook something else up. I'm thinking a science project might be in order.

Until the results are in, please enjoy this photo of some refreshing iced tea with my compliments.

Russia's Got Talent!

This kind of reminds me of the routine my sister and I used to win our high school's talent show back in the day. Go Golden Bears!

EMBED-Talent audition gone bad! - Watch more free videos