G-G-G-G-G-Ghosts!

Not real.

One of the best things about television today is the abundance of paranormal-related TV shows you can view. There are tons of ghost hunting shows on nowadays, which is pretty convenient for geeks like me. We've got Ghost Hunters, Ghost Hunters International, Paranormal State, Most Haunted, etc., etc., etc.

This is a far cry from the days of my youth where I only had Sightings to slake my cravings. I know I annoyed tons of people my freshman year of high school asking them if they had ever seen this show. I'm pretty sure I have a few school pictures where people even wrote "Did you see Sightings?" on the back of mine. But I digress.

With such a dearth of shows, we now have choices. While all of them use the pseudo-science associated with ghost-hunting they are still a lot of fun. Both of the Ghost Hunters shows are a lot of fun and they tend to stick to more of a documentary style of filming. Paranormal State seems to maybe follow a bit of a storyline and I suspect the involvement of producers. They seem to attract more demons to their show too, which is kind of suspect. I'm still a sucker for it though. I even went so far as to look up how to study demonology after this old lady psychic came on the show.

We've even got Ghost Adventures, a super-aggro show where a bunch of dudes lock themselves in haunted places and call the ghost pussies until some shit goes down.

I love these guys. They look like a nu-metal band or something.

These dudes have apparently gotten slapped, scratched and zapped with spectral energy on camera. If we can trust the production crew, then they have gotten some cool footage of stuff that really can't be explained.

Most Haunted is also a very good show. Its made by the British and they class it up a bit with their accents and professionalism. On Halloween of last year, they did an all-night investigation in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, which is reported to be one of the most haunted places in America. We didn't see any free-floating apparitions or slimers, but they got some cool results. They got way more ghost action then I did when I took the ghost tour up there.

I think my love of these shows comes from my intense desire to be on one of them. I think it would be super-cool to go on these all-night ghost hunts with a team of people that set up cameras and motion detectors and shit. I would spend my nights walking around an old house with an EMF detector and a tape recorder. The only creepy thing is that they always do this stuff in complete darkness. That would be creepy in certain places.

I still think that it would be fun. I don't think I'm the only one either.

One of my worst attempts at ghost hunting came in Ellicott City. Greg Nice and Cherry Crystal were along for the ride at what was billed as a ghost tour at the very spooky Patapsco Female Institute, which has a history of creepy shit going down. When we got there we realized what we were in for. Instead of a ghost tour we walked into a super-queer haunted house hosted by some drama department. It was pretty lame.

There was even a kid dressed as Jesus who blessed us before we walked into the ghostly maelstrom. Other highlights include the strobe light scene where the girl talked about killing people and the big kid playing the Scottish groundskeeper who talked about how he would bury the dead students vertically to save space. Chilling. I think it goes without saying that we have not returned to this particular spot. Like an asshole, I brought my digital recorder in case we wanted to try and capture any EVPs. What a dick.

I think there are probably tons of cool spots to investigate in this area. We just got a bad one. Maybe we can get a crew together and build up a reputation. Then we'll find the one cable network that doesn't have a ghost show and pitch it to them.

Food TV? We could only investigate restaurants. Oxygen? Only girl ghosts? BET? Black ghosts only (we should probably be black too so that's out). Or E! We can investigate celebrity ghosts only.

I'll do whatever. I'm not picky.