So today I got this totally boss new phone and NO ONE AT ALL felt the need to call me or text me. All day long I was waiting to try this bastard out but nothing. Thanks a bunch, gang!
Its the Samsung Alias 2, which is a huge deal for me since I don't really give a shit about phones. Its the equivalent of anyone else in the world getting an iPhone that transforms into an Autobot with rockets and lasers that will be your best friend.
As you can see its a flip phone that you can flip the other way to reveal a full QWERTY keypad. The best part is, the buttons have magic powers! One way its a normal phone keypad. Then when you flip it the other way, the buttons change! Its fucking sweet.
It got so bad today that I had to ask my mother to call me so I could see how it worked. I knew she wouldn't judge me. The few people I did speak with did not seem at all concerned that I had a cool new phone. So that means no one is allowed to play with it and you can't come to my birthday party, which admittedly is a few months away.
It was pretty sweet though. My buddy Smooth B almost fell into the Harbor while pissing into it and I drank a $23 glass of scotch. Then we bought up all the pretzel dogs at the stand in the middle of Fell's Point. Everybody behind us was piiiiiiiiissed. But I guess none of that matters since none of you are invited anymore. You better hope I forget between now and then.
I probably will.
I call you all the time and you never answer. You don't even text me back. Now you are all crying for me to holla at you. Pffttt...
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