This particular pet peeve is a men's room staple that I have never understood. If you are one of the offenders, please tell me why you do this. I promise not to judge you. At least not openly.
Invariably, any time I am enjoying a #2 and some cell phone Tetris while at work, someone will come in and disturb my peaceful setting. They march in, sidle up to one of the urinals and get ready to drain the main vein. Here comes the weird part. Before breaking the seal, they flush the toilet and then continue to flush it throughout the entire pee. If the water stops flowing, they hit the lever.
This bothers me for many reasons. One, it is supremely annoying when you are trying to capture a quiet moment away from your desk. Two, it's a total waste of water and that kind of pisses me off. Three, it makes me wonder what in the hell is going on is this dude's kidneys that he can't stand to have his piss in front of him. Is he drinking a lot of coffee? Beer? Paint thinner?
Does it really smell that bad or is it just some weird phobia? (UPDATE: I looked it up after typing that and its called urophobia.Weirdos.) You know what's even weirder? I would totally smell this really stinky pee just to say I did it. Like you wouldn't?
Other men's room pet peeves that I will list in no particular order:
- Guys who undo their whole pant system to use a urinal
- Guys who make a total mess when washing their hands and get the whole place soaked (How does that even happen?).
- Guys who keep sticking their wang through the glory hole even though I did not return the foot tap
- Guys who fart at the urinals
Wow. I learn so much from reading your blog. Umm... has #3 really happened to you? And if so, does it happen often?!
ReplyDeleteI'll try to speak to some of these, mostly playing devil's advocate here:
ReplyDeleteGuys who undo their whole pant system to use a urinal
One annoying cause for this is button-fly fucking jeans... you're forced to undo the belt so you can then undo the first few buttons... If I'm wearing button-fly pants I usually just pee in the stall to avoid having my whole "pants system" unraveled for all to see...
Guys who make a total mess when washing their hands and get the whole place soaked (How does that even happen?).
It happens because a lot of the time the water pressure of the sinks is WAY too powerful and you end up looking like you dribbled pee pee on yourself when it was really the fucking fire hose faucet...
Guys who keep sticking their wang through the glory hole even though I did not return the foot tap
Men who don't try for another stick through rarely make history...
Guys who fart at the urinals
I always find that this makes an uncomfortable situation (peeing shoulder to shoulder with strangers)more fun... just a great ice-breaker. What really grinds my gears is dudes who try to make small talk with you while you pee or, even worse, go "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh" or "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" right when they start to pee...
As always Greg you are the voice of reason in a chaotic world. I didn't know they still made button-fly pants though.
ReplyDeleteIf you really want to break the ice when peeing shoulder to shoulder with someone, then do my tried and true technique. I undo my entire pants system (including underwear) and drop it to my ankles four-year-old style. It makes for a great conversation starter and if you need to fart at the urinal, its much louder!
Sorry, clearly your post struck a little close to home for me... regarding the button-fly pants, I also thought they left the scene in the 90's but in the last couple of years two of the best pairs of pants I owned happened to be button-flies and I've been struggling with this very procedure in the restroom.
ReplyDeleteAnd, now that I think about it, I can't really consider the odd fart at the urinal an "ice breaker" and then get pissed when some dude wants to chat with me while we urinate next to each other... I'm lost now.
But I did enjoy the image of you with your pants system around your ankles at the urinal.... I think the next time we pee together at a bar we should stage this and call it performance art...
I think its understood that you look straight ahead and keep quiet when peeing next to a stranger.
ReplyDeleteRemember when I taught you how to pee with the dick hole in your underwear?
I love this performance art idea.
Yes, I do.... that changed my life... I don't thank you enough for that...
ReplyDeleteThat's what friends are for.
ReplyDeleteI am late on this but I instantly thought, "Who the F still wears button jeans anymore?"
ReplyDelete