Blast from the Past: That Super Scary Fiddler Movie We Watched in Elementary School

I actually got the chills while I was watching this video clip. This was shown to us for fun on Fridays at Talbott Springs Elementary, which a the time seemed like cruel and unusual punishment.


This is based on a folk tale from East Texas. In this video, a demon fiddler steals a little boy and the mother, Hannah, must try and save him. I don't remember much of what happened on this show since I was hiding behind the lunch cart and only peeked out periodically. I do remember the end. Some dog attacks the fiddler and rips out his fucking eye!


On the educational web site where this is featured, there is a grade level for this video. They have it down as 7 to Adult. We were in the second or third grade when we saw this. It was scary as shit.


In my adult life, friends from elementary school revealed to me that they were also terrified of this video. Thank God. I thought I was the only one.


I can't believe I found this. Tell me that fiddler isn't super-creepy!


UPDATE: This movie apparently won a lot of film festival awards when it made the rounds in 1982. That's great but it doesn't give me back my carefree childhood. I still don't trust people that play violins. I can't imagine I'll be getting much sleep tonight.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: This Kid Loves Bacon

This is one of them thar video clips that's blowing up on Al Gore's Internet, so I figured I would drop it in for you losers.

I like this clip for many reasons. The little boy is funny because he thinks he's a grown up. He's talking like he thinks adults talk, but the fact remains that he is losing his shit because his new "mom" is throwing away his bacon. I like when he packs his suitcase and leaves. It's just adorable.

I believe it is worth mentioning that this is the second clip from Wife Swap where I have seen a tubby boy from the Deep South pack his things and leave because his swapped mom took away his junk food.

Now I won't bore you with facts about obesity in America or excerpts from Michael Pollan's wonderful studies about the food we eat, The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food. I won't do it because its boring and I would come across as completely full of shit (which might be the case anyway). I think this clip speaks for itself.

I'm not even going to decry the young man for his actions because I LOVE bacon and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing in his place.

Now to address the elephant in the room. Who the hell throws away bacon? That's just fucked up. Its so crispy and tasty. I remember one time in my life where I stopped eating pork products. It happened right after Babe came out on video. He was just such a cute pig that I couldn't bring myself to eat him. Then I realized that I wouldn't be eating the Babe, just some dumb pig from some farm. After this epiphany everything went back to normal.

In conclusion, bacon is the cat's meow and this kid is a modern-day Patrick Henry or Thomas Paine. He should be applauded for sticking to his guns.

My Pet Peeves: "For All Intensive Purposes..."

This was the first image to come up on a Google image search of "for all intensive purposes." I guess the phrase made the dude who posted it sooooooo mad he had to snap a pencil!

I was reminded of this pet peeve the other day while watching the local news at 5 o'clock. I can't remember the particular story, it wasn't all that interesting. What stuck with me was the contributing TV personality's use of the phrase "For all intensive purposes."

Maybe I'm overreacting but this one pisses me off so much. Like a really lot. But don't worry. I'm not going to snap any pencils in two. Your pencils are safe. I guess because I studied writing and communications for many, many moons I'm particularly sensitive to this. That phrase is 100% incorrect. The correct phrase is "For all intents and purposes."

When you say "intensive purposes" you are referring to purposes you may have that are particularly intense, which makes no fucking sense at all.

I think what made me so mad when I heard this was that it was coming from a trained journalist. This is someone who has studied the English language and the various ways to use it to convey information. He should know better.

If you have used the incorrect phrase in the past, don't worry. Just fix that shit now and never use it again. Its the only way you can be assured of escaping the grammar police, of which I am now the Commissioner. If you use it in front of me I might yell at you or laugh at you because I am an elitist prick with a useless liberal arts degree.

That is all.

The Prince's Man Crushes: Jon Hamm

So I think we all knew it was only a matter of time before I started into this kind of stuff. I get man-crushes the same as any other dude who is secure in his sexuality and my latest has got me swooning like a girl at a New Kids concert.

I'm referring of course to Jon Hamm, better known as Don Draper of AMC's hit drama Mad Men.

I mean, look how dreamy this guy is.

Plus he is totally cool on the show. He works as the Creative Director for the Sterling Cooper advertising firm and basically drinks whiskey all day and then pulls an amazing ad campaign out of his ass at the last minute. Plus he gets copious amounts of ass.

In any event, Mad Men rules and you should all watch it. I have the DVDs if you want to borrow them. As an added incentive to watch the show, you get to see the very lovely Christina Hendricks swish her hips around for an hour.

And if you can't quite tell from the picture, she has a huge rack too. She is perfectly worthy of a lady-crush for men or women. As an aside, I could not work in an office with this woman. I would never get any work done as I would be too busy cleaning up the stuff I knocked over with my boner.

But we're not here to talk about the ladies today. In addition to Mad Men, Jon Hamm was featured in a guest stint on 30 Rock and in The Day the Earth Stood Still with Johnny Utah. He was also very funny on Saturday Night Live.

I expect great things from this guy in the future. I can't imagine the small screen will contain him for much longer. So get in on the ground floor before he becomes a super-huge movie star, then you can say you loved him when.

PS (STRICTLY FOR MY GEEKS) I think he would be the perfect choice for the Hal Jordan Green Lantern.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: What the Fuck?

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Wheel Barrow Racing

I don't think much needs to be said about this one. I'm just really impressed with the level of commitment these two had for winning a pep rally race. You need to practice shit like that. I wonder how many man-hours they sunk into that? Sadly, I bet it didn't get them anywhere with the ladies. I'm sure all the guys were impressed.

The swan dive at the end is a nice touch too.

My Lovely Man-Date Lunch

This is something I had been meaning to get to for quite some time, but no one ever said I was a go-getter. This is but the first in a planned series of posts that will attempt to undercut and outdo the lovely ladies of Black Coffee and a Donut.

Sometimes the weight of the world tends to get to you and as a man you have few outlets for this stress. One of the things my friend Brian and I like to do when we feel like its all just too much is head down to the trendy Georgetown neighborhood in Washington, D.C. and treat ourselves to a lovely day of shopping and dining.

On this particular day not too long ago we made our way to the Georgetown Waterfront, a place Brian assures me is a super-lame meat market come sunset, when all of the boring people with no personalities dress up and try to get laid. Brian said there was a guy with a boat that had docked and his pick-up line to the ladies was "Come check out my boat!" Awesome.

But I digress. During the day the waterfront is a lovely place for two strapping young men to settle in for a delicious and eco-conscious lunch. Our love for fine dining and our glorious Mother Earth led us to Agraria Farmers & Fishers, a nice little place that specializes in serving foods from local and sustainable agriculture and fisheries yada yada yada. You all know the story.

The restaurant also allowed us a chance to people watch from the patio which is always a good time. We had to set the tone for the man-date very quickly and ordered beers and a plate of onion rings. Nothing says "We are definitely not dating" better than beer and fried foods.

The onion rings were served with a very good mustard-seed ketchup, which brought a very nice tang to the appetizer. I could have stood to have a little more on the plate.

For Brian's entree, he went with the old standby, Crispy Duck Breast. My man loves duck because he is Asian (he was born in Wisconsin though) and is always ordering that on our man-dates.

Each dish came with the restaurant's signature rice-a-roni side as well as a vegetable medley.

For my entree, I got the Ahi Tuna, which was prepared with salt, pepper and lemon juice.

I was also accidentally given the special cilantro butter which accompanies the fish "Cowboy Style" and was glad for the mistake. The butter is mixed with the aforementioned cilantro as well as sun-dried tomatoes. As it melts, it adds a very nice flavor to the fish.

After lunch we had planned to go to the Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shop up the street but were lured in by the desert menu.

Brian selected the sorbet sampler, which featured green apple, blood orange and some other kind of sorbet that I can't remember (B?).

I got the mixed berry cobbler. It featured blackberries, raspberries, blueberries and some peaches thrown in for good measure with a nice crumb crust and vanilla ice cream.

Also available for desert was a nice Key Lime Pie, which I talked myself out of getting because I always get that for dessert. This may have been stupid on my part since I freaking love Key Lime Pie. That's why I always get it. Rest assured I will try it next time I go down to this place. There are a lot of items on the menu that we wanted to try, so we will definitely be heading back there.

As for the rest of the man-date, we did some fun shopping (I bought another jacket and Patagonia ON SALE, as well as a sweet Hawaiian print hat like Mark Harmon from Summer School and an awesome driving cap for Brian that makes him look like a DJ) and even went to the Scoop Shop anyway to see if they carried the hard-to-find sorbets.

All in all, it was a glorious day and I look forward to heading back, which will probably be sooner than later.