Hardees Offers More Shameful Dining Options

As many of you are no doubt aware, I am a fan of fast food restaurants. I know they are awful for me and I normally avoid them, but every once in a while I go on a kick where I actually crave the stuff. That's when I run into problems.

It was during one of these lovely little cravings that I decided to roll the heart disease dice and try my luck with Hardee's new Fried Bologna Biscuit (pictured above). When I first saw this advertised I was a little intrigued. Not because its fried bologna. I'm an old hat at that. It was because I didn't think many other people knew about it or enjoyed it.

Silly me. I do live below the Mason-Dixon line. You'd think that by now I wouldn't be surprised by anything people eat around here. But this one caught me off guard. I guess the jet-set way of life offered in tony Baltimore still hasn't completely jaded me.

Anywho, I snatched one of these bad boys up one morning and grabbed my camera to document the autopsy.

Here is how she looks right out of the package. Its a hot, damn mess as you can imagine. Now take a look under the hood.

There isn't much to it. Its a slice of Oscar Meyer bologna fried up with egg and a slice of cheese on a biscuit. As for the taste, it was OK but nothing to write home about. I think Hardee's is tops in super-fatty breakfast treats but this one didn't quite work for me. I think its because I have spent years perfecting my own method of preparing fried bologna and really like it better than anything a fast food place can cook up.

When I rock a fried bologna sandwich I like it to be thin-sliced deli bologna. Not these thick slices people seem to like. I fried the hell out of it until it starts to burn a little and get crispy. Then I melt some cheese on it. Then it hits the bread (toast or not, depends on the mood) and is topped off with spicy brown mustard. I think it goes without saying that I use more than one slice of bologna and cheese. Sometimes way more than one.

This is basically the family recipe and is not strictly a breakfast item. I will eat this any time of the day. It transcends the silly mealtime constraints of mortal men and rises above like unto manna from heaven.

Its so tasty that I don't even think about how I'm eating lips and assholes. That's how you fry bologna!