Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bigfoot Captured on Film in NC

Well dear readers, I think you know I can't pass up a good Bigfoot story. While this is not a good Bigfoot story, I decided to post it anyway.

So this video was shot in North Carolina on Golden Valley Church Road in Rutherford County. If you look on a map it's right in between East Jesus and West Bumfuck, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to find. The fact that this road is in the sticks lends a little bit of credibility to the potential siting. Just a bit though. In my humble opinion it's the video that saps the rest of the credibility.

I really want to believe that this guy finally captured a sasquatch, but I have been burned too many times, most notably by those clowns from Alabama who sold a frozen bigfoot costume to Stanford University for $30,000. Or something like that. I don't remember the details.

On to the video. First of all, the whole damn thing is blurry. Seriously? This was your one shot and you decided not to get the shot in focus. Doesn't every video camera in the world have auto-focus now? Did he turn that feature off?

When the creature crosses, he lets out that funny little grunt while shaking his fist menacingly at the camera. To me that looks like a crotchety, old man shooing kids off of his lawn. He also kind of shuffles across the road like he's wearing slippers or something. The only plus the cameraman has going for him is that this thing he filmed is really, really hairy. But that's not enough to convince me. There are lots of hairy people out there, myself included, and last time I checked we were not the missing link.

In summation, this is a fat, hairy hillbilly that got caught running around the mountains naked. I'm sure this is not a rare occurence. I just think it happened to be one of the few times it was caught on video.

I'm no fan of hunting and I think it's wrong to kill an innocent animal, but I think if I were in the woods and came across a sasquatch and I had the means, I would shoot the shit out of it. Boom. Proof. Do I feel bad about it? Yes. Do people think I'm full of shit? Not after the DNA testing comes back.

Which brings me to The Prince's Lesson of the Day: Always carry loaded firearms in your car. The bigger the better. You never know when you need to drop an ape on the side of the road.

I hope we've all learned something.


  1. What a bustahhh. It's totally an old hillbilly. Remember when we found the prints in the snow. Pretty sure we'd be millionaires if we would have submitted it properly. Hurr durrr

  2. I don't remember any prints in the snow. Wasn't that you and Pop or something? Was this near where you found the elephant trunk?