Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Third Poll is Closed!

So the third poll closed the other day and it appears as though the audiences is divided. 30% of you were planning on checking out the movie on opening day, while another 30% thought that I was lame and didn't want to see the film at all. That was a much lower number than I suspected.

20% of you were planning on making me see it with you for the second time. I've got some bad news on that front. I've already seen it twice. Maybe third time is the charm. Another 20% of you were only going to pleasure yourself to Megan Fox, which is admirable. I did watch the film with my pants off each time. She is a very lovely creature. I feel like they had to grow her in a lab or something. People just don't look like that.

Anywho, thanks for participating again. Also, if you haven't seen the movie yet keep your eyes peeled for another instance of prejudice that I uncovered during the second viewing. The little doctor Decepticon is into crazy medical procedures and has a German accent. Its clearly offensive to Germans and Nazis. I can't see people complaining too much about this though.

Happy hunting!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Sir Paul is Coming!

My semi-shut-in grandmother just informed us that we really dropped the ball this summer concert series. Apparently, Paul McCartney is playing in the area and we had no idea.

A few years back he came to the MCI Center (or whatever the hell its called) in DC and yours truly, baby sis and the mighty King of Dundalk made our way down there to take in the show. Dad damn near lost his mind when he saw how close we were to the stage. He was actually moaning while we walked down to the seats. What followed was the greatest live show I have ever seen in my life.

In any event, I just booked three seats for us on August 1. Dad just called me in a panic because he thought we would be shut out of the good seats. Fortunately, the recession is keeping out the riff-raff. We should have a pretty nice show filled with super-fans. I'll obviously give a full review of show when the time comes.

In the meantime, please enjoy this Wings classic.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Shia Works Five-Way on Today Show

This video has been around a bit, but I still dig it. That's the kind of easy-going verbal milk that only rich dudes and movie stars can pull off. I bet Shia spent the day with this girl and her four friends in NYC. She was good to go. I bet her friends were too.

Its nice to see a celebrity using that status for something worthwhile. I'd rather see this sort of thing than have them tell me who to vote for.

My Sister's New Ringtone

Baby sis would very much like this for her phone so if anyone knows where we can find it drop us a line.

This really is a modern masterpiece. Kendra enlisted famed rapper Too $hort to perform it with production duo Play-N-Skillz manning the controls. Play had this to say:

"We had extreme synergy going into the studio with Too $hort and Kendra to record the theme song. We had a great time recording it and we're very happy that Kendra loved the theme song."

Artistic synergy, huh? It sounds like they really gelled when they were writing this rhyme. I think Too $hort phoned that shit in.

I'm probably just jealous that there are no songs with my name in it. I guess no one ever loves Matts enough to immortalize them in song. Sigh.

Anyways, here is another great clip of the lady my sister shares a name with courtesy of Joel McHale and The Soup. My sis really is in good company. Interesting fact: my sister flashes her boobs about as much as Kendra Wilkinson does.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

It Comes in Threes

Old celebrities can breathe a sigh of relief. It looks like they have escaped the Reaper and bought themselves some more time.

I've been watching CNN since I heard and I'm mostly just surprised that there are so many damn people outside the hospital now. I blame Twitter. I guess that's why they delayed the announcement of his death as long as they could. They needed to mobilize and make sure they could handle the crowd.

Hopefully, our Left Coast correspondents will report in and let us know how things are going.

If there is any positive side to any of this its that CNN's Wolf Blitzer gets to live out his dream and be an MTV vee-jay. He's been playing MJ videos for the past 10 minutes.

A Brief Review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I may or may not have this toy. You'll have to get your mom to schedule a playdate if you want to find out.

So I just checked out the new Transformers film (shocker!) and I have to say that I enjoyed the hell out of it.

The movie has been catching a lot of flack from critics for its lack of story, and they may have a point, but you don't go to see Transformers for the scintillating plot. You go to watch giant robots fuck each other's shit up. The movie certainly delivers on that. Plus there was a lot of scattered ass in the film. In addition to Megan Fox, who runs around in slo-mo quite a bit, there is another girl named Isabel Lucas, who is like a blonde Megan Fox. We get to see her panties too. Righteous.

One other point of contention was the supposed racist nature of two of the new Autobots, Mudflap and Skids. Critics have blasted these characters for being stereotypes of ethnic minorities. Are they stereotypical? Yes, probably, but come on is this your first Michael Bay film? That's like his signature piece. The Rock has like 30 stereotypical characters including a gay hairdresser, a rich German Humvee drivers and two sassy black people that are taken hostage on the Alcatraz tour. I'm just surprised that people are surprised.

In any event, the movie is fun and my enjoyment was only heightened thanks to the Cherry Coke, popcorn and very tasty Black Angus all-beef hot dog I inhaled before the previews. Plus my man MC Smooth B was there to geek out with me. Also, and I will never admit to this in person, some of the real cheeseball schmaltzy parts kind of got to me. I think maybe I had some of my own emotional things going on, but nevertheless I felt super-lame when it happened.

This is summer popcorn flick at its finest and is certainly worth checking out despite the one star review it received from the Baltimore Sun. If the critic is so concerned about a good story then he should rent The English Patient and leave this stuff to me and the other geeks.

If you won't be getting to the theaters anytime soon, then check this out. It should tide you over until you check out the new movie.

What did you think of my Optimus Prime costume? Pretty sweet, huh?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Delta Force and CIA Shit Rules

So when I'm not watching the History Channel or Military Channel's high-quality programs about war and the Special Forces, I am scanning other networks for their offerings. Tonight, the National Geographic Channel aired a show called CIA Confidential that detailed the CIA's attempts to take out Osama Yo Mama right after 9/11.

Apparently, they sent seven operatives into the Hindu Kush mountains with the mandate to kill Osama and bring his head to the president. I think that was for real too. I can see Bush asking for something like that. Anyways, the show talked with the ex-Special Forces dudes who were in Afghanistan as well as their handlers at Langley and was pretty cool. They even talked with the legit Special Ops teams that were helping out in the mountains, including the commander of the Delta Force team (the U.S. Army's premier anti-terror team) who goes by the name... Dalton Fury! I'm guessing its a pseudonym but that is certified bad-ass. I actually went "Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa" when they said his name on the show.

I can't really think of a cooler name. It screams "secret agent." Plus, this dude could put you down fast. I would not mess with a dude named Dalton Fury.

I think my excitement over Dalton's name has a lot to do with my own name. I kind of sound like I should have a fruit cart on some New York street or be tossing dough in the air at your local pizzeria. My name does not suggest a man of mystery or a dude not to be trifled with. Which is why I made up my own. Rock Dangerwolf. I think that name sums up what I'm all about. You don't fuck around with a dude named Rock Dangerwolf. Names carry power and my new one is powerful as shit.

If I were a Delta commander, they would have given me a lame name, I bet. It would have been something like Frederick Hobosweat. And its not like you can complain about it. Its bad form.

I think Chuck Norris should have had a more bad-ass name to go along with his super-sick motorcycle in 1986's action classic, Delta Force. Scott McCoy does not do him justice. It sounds like someone on 90210 or something. Lee Marvin went by Nick Alexander, which is pretty cool I guess, but I have always had a big problem with people that have two first names. Its just dumb. Gary Frank. Steve Mark. John James. Ted Todd. Doug Steve. The list goes on and on and it only gets worse. But I digress.

I think the movie would have been way cooler if the dude firing the missiles from his chopper was named Dalton Fury.

Get 'em, Dalton!

More Kush'n for the Pushin'

I've got something you can put between your boobs while you sleep.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tron Man Sells Plane

So apparently "Tron Man" had to sell his plane because the economy sucks. I really don't care. What's funny is that there was a guy that I used to work with that I swore was Tron Man. Like I would have bet money. I used to ask co-workers if that was really him and then totally not believe them when they would tell me about real Tron Man. They would talk about how he lived in Ohio or some shit and I was all "Riiiiiight." I still think it might be him.

Those of you who know where I used to work will understand why it is not at all far-fetched for Tron Man to be one of my co-workers.

If you've never heard of this guy before then may I introduce you to Jay Maynard, the one and only Tron Man. He likes Tron, apparently.

PS That shit lights up!

Transformers Candies: A Scientific Study in One Part

If I've learned anything in my 31 years on this planet, it is these two nuggets: I am very resistant to hypnotism and super-susceptible to marketing campaigns. (An Angry Whopper?! Does it make me angry or is it angry? Screw it. I'll take one. With onion rings please.)

Case in point, the Mars Company's new Transformers movie candy offerings. I guess the idea is to dress up M&Ms like Transformers on the wrapper and idiots will buy them just for shits and giggles. Brilliant idea!

While at my local Walgreen's Pharmacy today I was informed of a 3 for $2 deal by the nice gentleman behind the counter. I bit hard. In addition to the regular Peanut M&Ms, I also picked up a Snickers "Nougat Bar" (since when is it a nougat bar) with special yellow nougat.

Holy shit! Bumblebee!

Rounding out my trio of confections is the ungodly sounding Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms. I was not previously aware that you could actually "strawberry" something, but I guess we have Michael Bay to thank. It seems like something he would come up with.

I was on the fence with these things for about a second and then decided to just suck it up and give them a try for you my loyal readers. The man behind the counter gave a glowing review which really swayed my decision. He said that "...some people say that they like them and other people said that they didn't. So, you know." Well, shit. Sounds good.

He later went on to tell me that you only live once and you need to live for the day. You don't know if you're even going to wake up tomorrow. I contemplated these words for a moment and reaffirmed my decision to buy this crap. Mostly because I was only out 67 cents if the M&Ms sucked.

But let's not gloss over the important part of the story. Walgreen's is like a modern-day church of truth. You can pick up candy, soda, condoms and life lessons.

Now on to the RESULTS!

I started with the Snickers "Nougat Bar." Thanks to cutting-edge scientific instruments (my pocket knife) I can bring you guys the straight dope. The package is not bullshitting you. The nougat... is... yellow.

It basically tastes like a Snickers bar though, so nothing too exciting.

Next up was the Strawberried Peanut M&Ms. These don't look too much different than other Peanut Butter M&Ms except for some little red spotties on the shell to denote that they have been, in fact, "strawberried." Take a look at the cross-section.

Nothing too different, or so I suppose. I've never cut a Peanut M&M in half before. It looks like I expected it to look though. As for the taste, once again Mars was not kidding. These Peanut M&Ms are definitely strawberried. I can't really describe it other than to say that it tastes like strawberry-flavored peanut butter inside a chocolate candy shell. Its one of those things you really don't need to try. This isn't the sort of thing you will regret on your death bed.

The really interesting thing about this new abortion of a candy is the doors it opens up. If you can flavor peanut butter what's next. Maybe they can grape up a few of those bad boys and make a sweet PB&J M&M. That's a lot of letters but I think it could work. I guess we kind of have that with these strawberry ones, but I always preferred grape jelly and its my damn idea.

Oh yeah. The regular Peanut M&Ms are just regular Peanut M&Ms and are awesome as always.

In conclusion, Walgreen's was pretty fun. I also got a Sprite from the soda fountain and added a raspberry flavor shot. It sucked shit but it was fun playing mad scientist at the fountain. Next time I go there I promise to pick up a box of Dwight Yoakam's Finger-Lickin' Chicken Fries and give you a full review.

Good Eats: BGR

As many people know, I love burgers. They are probably my favorite food. If I were on death row I think I would ask for a big bacon cheeseburger with steak fries and onion rings. I could die a happy man after that.

But since I won't have to choose any last meals any time soon (The Man has to catch me first!) I can sit down to eat a burger knowing full well that I can do the same damn thing the next day. Which sadly happens more often then I would like to admit.

Over the weekend, my boy MC Smooth B and I made our way down to Rockville for an abortive climbing session. After our laughable attempts to recapture the glory of our youth we got down to business and did what we do best. Shop for gear at REI. After we worked up an appetite, we made our way to our favorite new burger joint, BGR.

Located in the tony area of Bethesda, BGR caters to the upscale clientele that makes a royal like myself feel right at home. Its a fun little place with a simple mission: deliver a superior burger. They do not disappoint. The menu runs the gamut from regular old burgers and sliders to Cuban-style burgers, veggie burgers and more. Additionally, you can get some very good steak fries, sweet potato fries and onion rings. They can all be topped with Garlic, Parmesan and Rosemary as well.

On this particular visit, we started off with their very tasty Lobster Roll. Its a bit pricey for an appetizer, but B-Lo and I like to splurge on our little man dates. The roll comes with a shit ton of very sweet lump and claw meat mixed with a light mayo-based sauce and is served on potato rolls.

Brian decided to go with the Sliders because he's just a little guy and can't hang with the real carnivores. To each his own. He seems to be a fan of the kids' meal though.

I went with BGR's Burger of the Month, which was really really good. It was called "Raising the Bar" and I think it was the result of a pissing match with a local watering hole. My guess is that they tried to outdo BGR and they countered with this awesome hamburger sandwich.

Its 11 oz. of dry-aged beef. I really can't say enough about this burger. The meat was fantastic and buttery and most importantly it was big. I opted for bacon and cheddar only being a fan of the simple flavors. I threw a little mayonnaise on it and then when that section was done I tried some A1. This thing kicked ass. I'm going to try and get down there before the end of the month to get it again.

All in all, this place is a burger-lovers paradise. It has everything you need from a burger place without any of the BS. As an added bonus, they were playing VH1 Classics while we were there so we got to watch a special on the one-hit wonders of the rap world. Vanilla Ice, Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock and some others made the list as you may well expect, but then they threw the Sugarhill Gang on there. They may not have had a lot of chart toppers, but they were pioneers. I think that's just ignorant.

Anyway, check out the video because its kind of fun. My personal favorites include the disco dancing, Hank the fat dude in the tiny t-shirt and the guy who wore the turtleneck and sweater to the rap video. How embarrassing. Also, I promise there is no rape in the video. Some YouTube ass just spelled it wrong.

SUPER ADDED BONUS!: This video is the shit. I'm trying to make it the National Anthem of Dundalk, but am running into problems. They all seem to like "Friends in Low Places."

I like how Rob Base just looks all over the place when he raps in the record store. That's fucking gangster. Also, I will KILL for that green Nike sweatsuit the one dude is wearing. In summation, I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

They're Playing Basketball. We Love that Basketball.

Check out my boy Greg Nice above the rim. He spends so much time up there that I hear that he's thinking of buying a condo. Its a nice neighborhood.

MC Smooth B has the wettest J I've ever seen. He was making it rain out there. That's why I call him the Weatherman.

Its really hard for Nice 'n' Smooth to look so pretty out there, but they make it look easy.

I'm pretty shitty at basketball. I was always better at contact sports and cage-fighting.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Second Poll is Closed!

Well, the second poll has come and gone. It looks like participation was slacking a little bit too. I guess you all weren't aware that it is worth 25% of your final grade. Maybe I can throw some extra credit your way in the near future.

The runaway winner was the Ice Breakers Iced Tea mint stories with over 75% of the vote. Only one person each asked for more stories about me and Tasteful nudes, but those were kind of trick questions. You're getting them anyway.

Now that the people have spoken, I'll have to figure out something to say about the Iced Tea Mints or maybe just candy in general. I think I've covered all the flavors so I'll have to cook something else up. I'm thinking a science project might be in order.

Until the results are in, please enjoy this photo of some refreshing iced tea with my compliments.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Russia's Got Talent!

This kind of reminds me of the routine my sister and I used to win our high school's talent show back in the day. Go Golden Bears!

EMBED-Talent audition gone bad! - Watch more free videos

Saturday, June 13, 2009

It's Time for the Percolator

This afternoon I had the good fortune to hang out with some of my oldest friends, those that knew me before I ascended to my regal throne. While discussing the old days, our stories drifted to our visits to the Petra Food Mart and inevitably music. This was the jam back in the day and this video really does it justice. Its kind of like the Grand Canyon, everyone should see it at least once before they die.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's a Twister! It's a Twister: Tornado in Dundalk!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a tornado was confirmed to have touched down in my kingdom yesterday.

The National Weather Service confirmed that an EF-0 tornado did occur during the storms that attacked Maryland yesterday. An EF-0 is basically the smallest tornado you can have while still calling it a tornado with wind speeds of 70 miles per hour. I think it was so tiny because Mother Nature was afraid she might piss me off.

Unfortunately, I was indisposed yesterday during the storms or I would have sorted the whole thing out. Sometimes I spin around really fast in the opposite direction of the tornado and just watch the damn thing fizzle out. If I'm a little bit tired I just yell at it really loud and it pretty much just stops. In addition to being a King of the Sea, I'm a bit of a Storm God as well. There are many facets to my being.

Most importantly, I don't want anyone to worry. I have opened the treasury to finance the repairs. It will only be a matter of days before all the pink flamingoes, painted tire planters and giant NASCAR flags appear on my kingdom's lawns and things return to normal.

The First Poll is Closed!

First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for participating in the inaugural Prince of Dundalk Make-Me-Feel-Good-About-Myself Poll. We had a great turnout with more than ten people contributing (I was one of them). I honestly don't know what to say about that. I didn't even think I knew ten people in the entire world, but apparently I do. Kudos to you all.

Now on to the results.

We have a tie! Sort of! "Absolutely! I love this man, hairy back and all." and "What's not to like? His tale of adventure on the high seas had me removing my pants." netted four votes each. "Totally! He's the hottest shit I've ever seen." nabbed two, while only one loser voted for "Are you kidding? I've never seen a sexier man in my life."

Since I am of royal blood and I do run this blog, my word is law so I will determine the tie-breaker. Since I voted for "What's not to like? His tale of adventure on the high seas had me removing my pants." I will remove my vote. Normally my vote would count as ten votes, but I don't want to appear arrogant. Let it never be said I am not a man of the people.

Congratulations to all those who voted for the one that called me out on my hairy back. As a reward for all the winning voters, I will allow you to stroke my back hair for two minutes each at your earliest convenience.

I'd like to thank you all for voting. It says a lot about you all as humans beings that the results of the poll would all be so positive. But really it says even more about my raw animal magnetism. I think we're all winners today.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hershey Has Done it Again! Part 3: Return of the Boogaloo Kid

So once more I was possessed with the urge to sample another of Hershey's Iced Tea mint treats. This was another impulse buy while standing in line at Target waiting to pay for my milk, lemonade, Snyders of Hanover Hot Buffalo Wing flavored pretzel pieces and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Bumblebee action figure.

Surprisingly, the Peach tea has jumped the line to become my second favorite of the Iced Tea mint offerings. Its definitely better than the Raspberry one but still doesn't beat Lemon. They basically all taste like you're eating a handful of instant iced tea powder. But honestly, who hasn't done that before? 

These are still my current favorite candies behind the always #1 Nerds.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My New Favorite Show: Sex Decoy!

This morning I had no idea this show existed, but tonight I rest easy knowing that the Fox Reality Channel is producing fine entertainment like Sex Decoy: Love Stings!

The show follows Sandra, a crispy-headed blonde who just so happens to be the owner and chief investigator for MateCheck Investigations, a firm that hires itself out to women and then tempts their boyfriends, husbands, etc. with a revolving cast of sexual decoys.

Tonight's episode was a very special one as Sandra's youngest daughter Xanadu (back home after years of estrangement) was going to take on her first case and try to tempt the shit out of some clueless ass.

Abby hired the firm because she suspected that her fiance Brandon, the lead singer in a nu-metal/rap band and promising MMA fighter, might be susceptible to the sensual advances of a comely vixen. Xanadu contacted Brandon and set up a private MMA tutoring session in which she would ply her wares to the unsuspecting doucher.

While running around the octagon in the dojo, Xanadu managed to completely botch the entire sting. Her best move was when she asked the dude if he wanted to get a coffee. She said nothing while he was leaning over her stretching her supple hamstrings.

Sandra was not pleased with Xanadu's performance and told her so over tea in their Phoenix home. Xanadu did not take it well and when she began to cry, said that she wasn't crying and that it was "stupid."

Sandra brought in Kelli, another decoy she has used on numerous occasions. Kelli posed as a rock journalist and interviewed Brandon after his show at a shitty sports bar. Brandon totally fell for this crap and started making out with the girl, then Abby came storming in. In true guy fashion, Brandon turned it around on Abby and screamed at her for embarrassing him in front of his "fans." Sandra kept talking shit to him and Brandon was getting violent. He was throwing wild, weak-ass punches and then hauled ass out of the parking lot in his Saturn while flipping the bird. Classy.

The post-sting wrap-up had Sandra calling Abby to see how things are. This may come as a shock to you, but Abby and Brandon are still together. According to Abby he is "totally changed" as evidence by his sharing of his MySpace page password. That's true love if you ask me.

The family decided to celebrate the successful case (and the clearing of Abby's check) with a night out for karaoke. Sandra was dressed to the nines in a metallic silver dress that looked as sexy as it sounds. When she got up for her turn at the mic, she stopped to tell her daughter Xanadu that she was proud of her despite her utter failure. The two then sang a God-awful, tone-deaf rendition of "Amazing Grace."

Mostly absent from this episode where Sandra's two other daughters, Kashmir and Jasmine. Kashmir, the oldest is a little bit shy and is working her way into the family business as a decoy. She also works nights as a topless dancer. Jasmine is the go-to decoy and is quickly making a name for herself. She could be the best in the business, or, according to the Fox Reality Channel website, she could continue her downward spiral into the Phoenix club scene. Gasp!

Also along for the ride is Tom, Sandra's boyfriend and co-worker. Apparently, the girls think he is the cause of everyone of Sandra's problems. I smell some upcoming conflict!

While none of the daughters are super-attractive, they are just trashy enough that I would totally bite the bait and kick some verbal milk. They pop their boobies out a lot too, so you can see how it would be an uphill battle for me. Kashmir has some big ears, but she makes up for it with the Great Equalizer, big tits. She also has a big round booty. Jasmine basically just looks like she wants to use your body as a jungle gym so I can see how she would be good at this job.

For any future girlfriends or wives who may be out there in the ether reading this I have this to say: Don't even go here. I will bang the decoy on principal and then blame you for my indiscretion. If reality TV has taught me anything, its that you can totally get away with this kind of shit, even if you're caught on camera.

In summation, this show is shit like most others but its still fun. It was either this or the History Channel and I can only watch the special about Hitler's secret cities so many times. I think everyone should check it out at least once. Its like a train wreck. You can't turn away no matter how much you would like to.

sex decoy Pictures, Images and Photos

From left: Tom, the live-in boyfriend; Jasmine, Sandra's top decoy; Sandra (duh!); Xanadu, the up-and-comer; and Kashmir, the shy stripper

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Black Dynamite

Today, my main doo-doo stain, Brian reminded me how much I was looking forward to this film. Its like Dolemite time infinity.

Black Dynamite was recently a selection at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, so you know that all the pretentious hipster filmmakers were loving this. I can't fault them for it. This could be the single greatest film of our time. 

I know I sent this out to a bunch of people already, but I'm sure some ignored the e-mails for God only knows why. In any event, here is the trailer hyping it up for Sundance. Watch it. Love it.

Also, check out the shirts available at the film's website.

I'm really excited for this movie.

QUICK UPDATE:  Here is the first trailer that made me fall in love with the film. It doesn't show as much jive-ass action as the other one but I think you'll agree, the narration is better.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Dayad! DJ!

Is this Kendra or Candace Cameron? 

You be the judge.

This is Funny as a Monkeyfighter!

This doesn't need much in the way of an intro or accompanying jokes. 

Its old but still funny. Don't flame me if you've seen it. I'm just digging embedding videos and music and shit on the blog.

Dundalk's Finest: The Dudes That Invented Big Johnson T-Shirts

This article really has the very best Baltimore has to offer. It details the creation of the Big Johnson t-shirt empire, which is based in Dundalk. I really had no idea about that.

The article also features a special guest star that will delight my sister. 


Who knew he was instrumental in bringing Big Johnson to masses? I salute you brother.

Anyway, enjoy the article. 

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hot Grill on Grill Action!

Occasionally, we at the manor dismiss the help for the evening in an attempt to live like commoners. The other evening my sister Kendra (the Baroness of Essex) and I decided we would have a Veggie Night and prepared all the trimmings for vegetable quesadillas on the grill.

After a quick snack of Esskay hot dogs (We're in Baltimore, son!) we were ready to rock.

We went with a nice mix of red, yellow and orange peppers, mushrooms and red onions that I seasoned with a mix of chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper, cilantro and other shit.  We used the fun grill pan/basket thing, which is a blast to grill with. I like the taste of the fire-roasted vegetables. Its very earthy and common. Plus I like to cook with fire.

We then made up the quesadillas and popped them on the grill. A few minutes per side to toast the tortillas and melt the cheese and we were good to go.

The quesadillas were pretty good, but I was all filled up from my hot dog snack so I only ate the one. 

Then we got milkshakes from Chik-Fil-A. They now offer smaller sizes as a direct result of my sister complaining to the corporate headquarters. My regular-size shake blew up in the driveway though, which was a major bummer. I couldn't even save any of it. The top shot off and it erupted everywhere. The bottom of the cup even blew off, making sure that every last drop exited the cup. 

I was pretty pissed.

I Have Three Followers!

Hey gang! It appears that at least three people on the planet love me. That's pretty sweet.

As a special to gift to my first three followers, from now on known as Matt's Holy Trinity, I will provide for them a very erotic lap dance at their convenience. They can pick the costume and music. I highly recommend the sexy cop outfit and "I Know What Girls Like" by the greatest rapper alive, HOVA. 

I Know What Girls Like (Feat. Puff Daddy & Lil Kim) - Jay-Z

Call me!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hershey Has Done it Again! Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Apparently, the fine folks at Hershey have way more faith in their Iced Tea Ice Breakers than I imagined. The other day while standing in line at my local Target, I spied not one, but two more varieties of the Iced Tea mints: Peach and Raspberry. I quickly snatched up the Raspberry one since Peach is not my thing. 

I can safely report that it is a tasty little treat. Lemon is still my horse, but these will do in a pinch. I'm surprised that there is apparently a line of Iced Tea Mints now. Normally, anything that I like is quickly cancelled forever (ie BBQ Chex Mix and Southwest Salsa Style Munchems). My grandmother even wrote a letter to Ralston Brands in an attempt to revive BBQ Chex Mix to no avail. I was a fiend for that stuff. I used to get it as gifts for birthdays and Christmas. NO joke.

When I go back to Target, I'll pick up the Peach ones for the sake of experimentation. I can't leave my readers out in the cold after all. 

I'm here for you! (Not really. This little blog is nothing more than a giant ego stroke.)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Beatles Come to Rock Band!

I'm not a huge gamer by any stretch of the imagination. I tend to fall in with one gaming system or another before I get bored with it and move on to real lame shit like reading books or looking at porn online.

But I must admit that this little trailer from the geek mecca that is E3 has me a little stoked. I may have to snag an Xbox 360 and a sick Sgt. Pepper jacket so I can play along. I'll even grow Beatle hair and a nice moustache.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Nature's Most Amazing Events

The Discovery Channel recently outdid itself with the new BBC series Nature's Most Amazing Events. Its a little reminiscent of the other fantastic series Planet Earth in that it has fantastic camera work and very cool subject matter.

It was basically six episodes and aired over the weekend (sorry I didn't give the heads up sooner), but will probably be one like a million more times before the end of the month. You should check out this show for many reasons, most of which are very scientific and have redeeming social value. 

If you're not that into science or worthwhile TV then watch it for the awesome segment dealing with my #2 favorite animal in the world, the walrus. I like walruses for a few reasons: a) they have gnarly tusks b) they're really fat and have inch-thick blubber skin and c) their bristles make them look like they have big bushy moustaches. 

In the episode "Arctic Summer," the walruses took center stage for a really quick segment. The walrus basically just swam around eating clams, then climbed onto the beach to chill out and then laid the biggest fart ever. It was fantastic. It reminded me of my sister on Taco Night here at the Royal Palace.

So, in summation: Nature's Most Amazing Events is worthwhile TV for cinematography, science and walrus farts. I think you'll enjoy it if you catch it.