Friday, October 30, 2009

New Wolfman Trailer

I thought this might get you guys in the Halloween spirit too. I think this looks badass, but then again I really like werewolves. In fact, due to my body hair, sharp teeth and keen senses, I have always felt like I might actually be a werewolf. It would explain quite a bit.

Enjoy the trailer. If you like you can take me to see this in February as a post-birthday outing. Sound good?

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Dancing Pumpkin Guy!

If this shit doesn't get you in the Halloween spirit I don't know what will. It must be fun to be on the news in Omaha. They apparently don't have any news out there and can just do shit like this all night. I'm a little pissed that they didn't spring for the real Ray Parker, Jr. version of the Ghostbusters theme. The Bobby Brown song from the second one would have been pretty cool too.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Bridezillas!

This show is a favorite of my sister's. I have a hard time watching it without having an anxiety attack. These women are awful! This is all particularly scary because I tend to attract women with a liberal dose of bitch and crazy in the mix.

I think I might have to put my foot down if I were the groom in this situation. I don't know that I would even let it progress to a proposal. Although I won't rule out bullying. I can see that going down.

I'm also terrified that I'll have a daughter Bridezilla and will have to break up fights with caterers, florists, seamstresses, etc. It keeps me up at night.

I'll just have to trust in superior breeding to win the day. Enjoy the bitches!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Greatest Rap Battle of Our Time!

This was sent to me by a loyal reader that I will refer to as the Crabcake Heiress. Its really got it all and I think you will all enjoy it.

My friend Brian says that when Eli's eyes roll into the back of his head its because he's actually looking into his brain for the next rhyme he is going to spit.

Also, I take offense to the judging. The man-love going on at the judge's table aside, these clowns don't know jack. That dude Envy rhymed "cripple" with "cripple," which as we all know is a cardinal sin in the rap game. That's the type of weak-ass buster shit that gets you laughed out of the cypher.

Eli's rhymes were way more clever. He was spitting about Rosie O'Donnell and bisexual bridal showers and gay parades. Way better than Envy's mundane bullshit.

I really wish Hammond High had one of these sick lunchtime shows going on. That would have been off the chain. I think my boy Greg would have come with some sick Das EFX-style flows about raw dogging it with girls and being on lockdown. He was an MC for the people.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Drunk Guy in a Convenience Store!

This is all over the place but it still had me laughing. I like that its almost 11 in the morning and the guy is hitting the convenience store to pick up a weekender of Bud.

This whole thing raises several questions. Is he just drunk or are there some drugs floating around in his system? Is he so shit canned from the night before or did he rise with the sun and go to work at getting hammered thanks to a Puritanical work ethic? Is he break dancing on the floor for a bit there?

Also, why not pick up some food while you are there? It might prolong the party. At that point in my drunken stupors I'm usually looking for pretzel dogs or cheese steaks. I guess maybe he is just fully focused on fucking himself up even more. To be honest, I think that kind of determination is admirable.

I would have loved to have been working in the shop when he was there. I don't think I would have been as eager to help him.

In other news, David Hasselhoff is finalizing plans for a reality show, so videos like these may be a little more commonplace.

The Prince's Word of the Day: Scuttlebutt!

I don't really have a problem with this word of the day. I just kind of like it and was surprised to find out its true meaning, so I thought I would share.

The informal definition of "scuttlebutt" is a gossip or a rumor. The formal definition is a cask of water on a ship. Essentially, a pirate water cooler. Its funny to me that people aren't really all that different over the course of time.

After a long day of raping and pillaging up and down the coast, the pirates would meet at the water cooler to talk about how Old Salty only takes ladies' underwear from the vast estates in the port city or why One-Eyed Doug got an extra rum ration. They're no different than you or I.

I also think Scuttlebutt would make an awesome pet name. Like for a really big fish in a saltwater tank or like a real mangy dog with one eye.

Additionally, it would be a cool band name. I could see them doing punk covers of old sea shanties.

Monday, October 19, 2009

What Up With That? on SNL

So I know its fun to bag on Saturday Night Live for being tragically unfunny, but I tend to disagree. I rarely see an episode that doesn't have something good in it. I tend to like the more absurd things that they do or the sketches that drag on way too long and go from funny to unfunny and then back to funny. Sometimes persistence really pays off.

In any event, Saturday night found me in front of the television with a little time to kill before Skinemax started airing the good softcore stuff so I tuned in and was delighted to see two sketches featuring Goodburger's Kenan Thompson that I really liked. This guy clearly had all the talent, not Kel.

Check out the clip below. It's good stuff.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Prince's Word of the Day: Pukka

Here is another crappy one from "Pukka" means "authentic, genuine" or "superior, first class." Its pronounced "puke-uh" and comes from Hindi and Sanskrit words so that explains the cultural misunderstanding.

My problem is this: you shouldn't say something is first rate using a word that has "puke" in it. Its wicked stupid.

"Man, you have a pukka new car!"

It sounds like your saying that his car is full of puke. Or maybe made of puke. Its not cool.

This word reminds me of "crapulous" in many ways. Its super-misleading and has a bodily function in it. And just like "crapulous" I have a new definition for the word, societal rules be damned. I think "pukka" should now mean anything that makes most people want to puke.

For example: "We went over to Greg's house and his cat had diarrhea. It was so pukka!"

Or: "Hey Jessica, you need to put that pukka diaper in the Diaper Genie immediately!"

I think we can all agree that my version is like infinity times better than that other useless definition. Now go forth and spread my gospel.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Mobbie Results Are Official!

As many of you probably know, I did not win the top spot in the Humor category. I did come in second place, which is not too shabby if I do say so myself. Furthermore, I was true to myself. I did my blog my way and I didn't cater to the suits running the competition.

I kept it real. All day, everyday. And for that you are all welcome.

In all seriousness, thanks to everyone who voted. I made a nice little last minute surge and its all thanks to you my loyal friends and readers. We've also managed to pick up a few more fans, it seems so welcome to the gang. I promise to play nice most of the time.

I'd also like to send a shout-out to my entourage. They came to support me at the Mobbie Awards Party even though I wasn't going to win anything and that was pretty sweet. They also shared a fine meal with me at Joe Squared afterwards where we destroyed some pizzas.

Props to myself for selecting the four cheeses on our four cheese pizza. I made a command decision without consulting anyone but it worked out for the best. I went with mozzarella, asiago, romano and provolone and never before have four cheeses existed in such harmony. I had a gut feeling and I went with it.

Finally, thanks to the Baltimore Sun for putting on such a fun competition. It was cool to be involved and especially gratifying to finish high in my category. It was also cool to be exposed to a larger audience. I belong to the world now. You'll have to share me.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Japanese Sniper!

Say what you will about Japanese television. These guys really do put out some great stuff. Their game shows rule because they border on the absurd and their prank shows are even better. I think that Japanese TV has literally no regard for the real people involved and that is why the shows are so awesome. Maybe the Japanese are not quote as litigious as we are here in the States and that is why they can get away with so much. I don't think you could pull this off in the U.S.

Anyway, in the video a man enters into some kind of meeting (I don't speak or read Japanese. Duh.) and is made to believe there is a sniper outside taking out all of the other dudes in the room.

I love shit like this.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Gambling Bunnies!

I guess I get the point of the ad. Its all very sweet and so would winning a million bucks, but this still seems a little bit misplaced. Plus that sign at the end really pisses me off. I'm all happy and cheerful and thinking about buying a bunny and then that guy starts talking to me about lottery tickets. Dick.

By the way, I hope someone at Cadbury's ad agency got fired for not thinking this one up. They really dropped the ball. That is the perfect ad for Creme Eggs. If I saw that in the spring time I would rush out and buy a box of them.

Now on to the important stuff. How fucking cute was that?! I liked when the little bunnies bumped with the bumper cars and also when the little bunny fell over.

I want to have the Bunny County Fair in my backyard every spring. I would provide carrots and lettuce and fresh water and whatever the little bunnies like to eat. Candy apples, I bet.

But wait there is more!

That made my day. It kind of pisses me off when they wake the puppies at the end.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Bullets Hitting Things!

This is probably one of the coolest videos you will ever see. Its basically bullets hitting things at 1,000,000 frames per second, which from a scientific point of view is just bananas.

Its super trippy and will probably be played on TVs at clubs and raves until the end of time. Enjoy!

Reality Show Contestant Pops Implant

I felt like it was important to pass along this video. It may be a first in the sad little world of reality television. One of the contestants on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge (Are any of these people even on either of the shows anymore? I stopped watching MTV when I hit 30) popped her breast implant after faceplanting into the water from what looks to be a good 20 feet up.

Its a pretty spectacular crash and its made all the better thanks to the popping of the implant. Here is the thing though. They show her later and both of her boobs are still pretty big. I would have thought that the popped one would deflate or something creepy like that but apparently the science isn't backing me up on that.

Which leads me to the real point of this post. WE NEED BETTER, STRONGER, HOTTER BREAST IMPLANTS! Girls are going to keep getting implants because asses like me stare at boobs like 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time we're thinking about them. The numbers don't lie.

But we can't have them popping on girls. That opens up a whole can of worms that we don't need. Plus, it keeps the implanted ladies from leading active lifestyles. Some girls crave the adventure that only reality television game shows can provide and who are we to tell them "Sit this one out. I don't think the twins can take it."? Its unAmerican.

We live in a country that bombs our moon for Christ's sake. Someone has got to be working on a way insure that implants aren't going to pop. I don't want to live in a world where this is no longer possible.

We're a country of dreamers and I think we should stay that way.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Last Day for Mobbie Voting!

Today is the final day for Mobbie voting, so I swear this is the last you'll hear about it from me. Until next year's round of voting. I intend to nominate myself. You have until 5 p.m. today to cast your final vote, so man up! I want to finish strong and not look like some buster. Thanks!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Lawrence Welk on SNL

So I promise one of these days I intend to post something fun that I've come up with rather than just throw crap on here that I think will make you giggle. But alas, that day is not today.

I decided to throw this one on here because I think its pretty funny. I grew up watching Lawrence Welk with my grandfather on Sundays. We would come home from church and he would pop it on while we waited for dinner to be ready. I think he did it because he thought we all hated it and he thought it was fun to torture us, but I have to confess that I came to really enjoy it.

It has an inherent kitsch value that I think we can all agree rules. But if you look past that you see the show for what it is. A completely non-offensive program. You could watch this thing all day long and not find a damn thing in it that bothers you or pisses you off. Most of the songs are way too cheesy to hate for real and the people are very clean and pleasant. And white.

Maybe that could be construed as offensive. It's all white people.

Anyway, here is a taste of some real Lawrence Welk action.

And that is pretty standard. I've seen a million numbers on this show where the girl sits on the guy's lap and they sing a delightful song about a picnic or a sunny day or saving themselves for marriage.

Plus Lawrence had a great accent. It sounded like he had learned English the day before, but damned if the band didn't respect the man. He could play a hell of an accordion too.

And, yes, I do wish I was a part of the kind of musical family that would be featured on the show. I think my sister and I could have brought the house down with something adorable. Maybe "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" or "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" for a holiday special. We were pudgy, little Polish kids so we would have killed.

Also, if for any reason I'm put in charge of a movie or TV show, this is how it will end.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Live in Philadelphia

So one of my most favorite things to do is get really self-righteous about things that really don't matter. Case in point. I was a fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when the show first came on the air and have been hooked ever since. I'm glad that the show is popular because it means that I'll get to see loads more episodes, but I get salty because there are all these fans now and I WAS THERE FIRST!

But I digress. A few weeks back I was privy to a very special live show of the popular "The Nightman Cometh" episode at the Tower Theater in Upper Darby, (I'd hate to see Lower Darby! Rimshot!) Pennsylvania. Right near the show's setting in Philadelphia. For those not in the know (losers), it was the episode in which Charlie Kelly wrote a musical in a vain attempt to woo his obsession, the character known only as the Waitress (see the show's finale in the clip above).

In addition to the live performance, we were treated to a viewing of an episode set to air this season as well as a clip of A Very Sunny Christmas, which looks really goddam funny. I won't give too much away but you can look forward to Charlie mauling a mall Santa Claus. Also, while in Philly I got cheese steaks. Two of them.

The live show was very good. Most of the cast seemed to be trained in musical theater which made it that much better. The actual episode was lengthened a bit and more songs were added to the show, stretching it a bit.

The live performance can even be seen on the Season Four DVD collection for those interested. They're totally worth having.

Sorry there isn't much of a review. This post was mostly to rub everyone's nose in the fact that I saw the live performance and had cheese steaks from Jim's and Pat's.

Now on to the photos I stole from my friend's Facebook page!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

More Channel 101 Hotness

So I confess that I hadn't really known about this site until last night when I discovered that Yacht Rock existed, but I salvaged my rep by watching videos on there until the wee hours of the morning.

One of the little gems I discovered comes to us from The Lonely Island, the comedy group featuring SNL's Andy Samberg along with SNL writers Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone. I guarantee that you are all familiar with their work (besides Samberg, who is the most visible member of the group). They're the ones who wrote "Lazy Sunday," "Dick in a Box," etc.

I know this video will strike a chord with some of my readers as it features a look back at Dude-atude, the white rap trio featured prominently in the 1980s classic Teen Witch.

Mobbie Voting Still Going Strong

Hey gang! Just another reminder that voting for the Mobbies is still going on. Fan voting closes this Friday at 5 p.m. and you are allowed to vote once a day, so for the love of God, vote! You can get to the voting page by clicking on the widget to the right. Thanks!

Hugs and Kisses,

The Prince

Monday, October 5, 2009

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Yacht Rock!

I'm not sure how many of you have seen this yet, but I have just discovered it on a more with-it blog and am now bringing it to you, my huddled masses.

I didn't realize that the music of the angels had a name, but it is apparently "Yacht Rock." It is the name of a web series on Channel 101 that explores the origins of the smooth sounds coming out of Southern California in the late '70s and early '80s. First up is the Doobie Brothers classic "What a Fool Believes."

This one here details the creation of the Kenny Loggins' hit "Footloose" from the movie of the same name. It also stars Michael McDonald, James Ingram, Jimmy Buffet and Kevin Bacon (not the real guys, duh).

In summation, I am a fan.

Hardees Offers More Shameful Dining Options

As many of you are no doubt aware, I am a fan of fast food restaurants. I know they are awful for me and I normally avoid them, but every once in a while I go on a kick where I actually crave the stuff. That's when I run into problems.

It was during one of these lovely little cravings that I decided to roll the heart disease dice and try my luck with Hardee's new Fried Bologna Biscuit (pictured above). When I first saw this advertised I was a little intrigued. Not because its fried bologna. I'm an old hat at that. It was because I didn't think many other people knew about it or enjoyed it.

Silly me. I do live below the Mason-Dixon line. You'd think that by now I wouldn't be surprised by anything people eat around here. But this one caught me off guard. I guess the jet-set way of life offered in tony Baltimore still hasn't completely jaded me.

Anywho, I snatched one of these bad boys up one morning and grabbed my camera to document the autopsy.

Here is how she looks right out of the package. Its a hot, damn mess as you can imagine. Now take a look under the hood.

There isn't much to it. Its a slice of Oscar Meyer bologna fried up with egg and a slice of cheese on a biscuit. As for the taste, it was OK but nothing to write home about. I think Hardee's is tops in super-fatty breakfast treats but this one didn't quite work for me. I think its because I have spent years perfecting my own method of preparing fried bologna and really like it better than anything a fast food place can cook up.

When I rock a fried bologna sandwich I like it to be thin-sliced deli bologna. Not these thick slices people seem to like. I fried the hell out of it until it starts to burn a little and get crispy. Then I melt some cheese on it. Then it hits the bread (toast or not, depends on the mood) and is topped off with spicy brown mustard. I think it goes without saying that I use more than one slice of bologna and cheese. Sometimes way more than one.

This is basically the family recipe and is not strictly a breakfast item. I will eat this any time of the day. It transcends the silly mealtime constraints of mortal men and rises above like unto manna from heaven.

Its so tasty that I don't even think about how I'm eating lips and assholes. That's how you fry bologna!