Friday, April 30, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Porn Stars Ask Us to Pay for Porn

Good luck with that, guys. I didn't even know you were supposed to pay for porn, so you're kind of fighting an uphill battle.

They do have a secret weapon on their side. The smoldering sexuality of Mr. Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Awesome DUI Arrest Video

Whoever decided it was a good idea to videotape police arrests and traffic stops is an inadvertent comedic genius.

This one plays out like a screen test for a Samuel L. Jackson movie. I've never heard the word "motherfucker" more in my entire life, and for that reason alone, this little video is an enriching experience.

I definitely want to party with this guy.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

My Earthquake Poll is Closed!

So the latest poll closed out this morning and I'd like to thank all participants. Thanks to this blog I've gone from an embaraasment to the family to just a regular old disappointment and I couldn't have done it without you guys. This is a victory for us all.

Now on to the results!

None of you thought that Jerry Falwell's crew of deviants was responsible for the earthquake. I knew going into the poll that nobody would actually select that option, but I like to remind people how much of a dildo that guy is from time to time. That guys should not get off easy for shit like that. I hope everyone took that away from the poll. I'll break it down into a simple, easy-to-remember equation for everyone. Jerry Falwell=dildo.

Sadly, Poseidon the Earth-Shaker only got two votes. I think this might be because people associate him with being the God of the Sea and were not aware of his role as the man behind all the earthquakes in ancient Greece. Another little tidbit: Poseidon created horses. So next time you're at an equestrian event sacrifice a live goat in thanks to Old Salty for all the pleasure horses have brought you.

There was a three-way tie for second place with Immodest women, angry Mayan gods and science each getting three votes.

The jury is still out on the immodest women. The Taiwanese tremor could have been a result of psychic boob energy before the boobs were even unveiled on Monday! To get to the bottom of that, I've put in a call to world famous parapsychologist Dr. Peter Venkman. I'll let you know what I uncover.

If it is the angry Mayan gods causing these quakes we probably won't know until 2012. I think the exact date is December 12. So live it up freaks! The clock is ticking.

Science seems like the sensible answer, but what has that really proven lately? Where was science last week when I ran out of toilet paper and ruined a perfectly good t-shirt? I rest my case.

The big winner in the poll was my friend Greg's balls popping out of a pair of short shorts which netted 38% of the vote! Way to go Greg's balls! Now Greg swears he never wore shorts that short, but I remember him as a child and I suspect he did. He's a tall drink of water so even normal shorts are going to ride a little high on him, making a testicular appearance that much more likely.

In any event, I will now endeavour to capture Greg's image in these tiny shorts for the blog at some point. I feel that my readers deserve to see the real culprit behind the recent earthquakes. If he gives me any grief, I will just remind him that my readers feel that his nuts are powerful enough to cause the earth to shake, and really isn't that the finest compliment a man can be paid?

If none of this works, then hopefully loyal readers can get a glimpse of these mantastic power-nuts during the First Annual Prince of Dundalk Balls for the Cause 5K Fun Run and Clambake. Rules stipulate no shorts with an inseam over 4 inches, so there is a good chance.

Ladies will love this event because at each watering station, volunteers don't hand out cups of water, but rather douse the runners Flashdance-style making for some super-sexy wet t-shirt action, as well as upping the chances for some serious chaffing.

Proceeds will go to some disease or another. Or maybe something with kids. Or dogs. I haven't worked that part out yet. I may just keep all the money.


Loyal reader and friend to the blog, Greg Nice, wrote me personally to express his delight at the poll results and also to pass along a little tease for the ladies.

He writes:

"Yo, I just read the poll results and I'm very excited that 38% of the people think my balls are that powerful.... it reminded me of the attached photo..... this happened recently at a laundromat in Baltimore..... I squatted down to get my clothes out the dryer and BOOM my crotch fucking exploded! It was really weird because the pants were not tight-fitting or old and threadbare..... just got explosive nuts, I guess..... feel free to post this on your blog as an UPDATE."

That's a powerful hangdown.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Yo-Yo Lady Means Business

This video is great for two reasons:

1. I love yo-yos. They are a total blast to play with even though I still stink and mostly just hit myself when I try to do tricks.

2. This lady has SWAGGER!

WTF? You can't fade her! She is all business when it comes to yo-yoing. She threw down that guantlet and put up 100 large of her own money! That's what you call brass balls. Did you see when she was yo-yoing by the dude's head? Those veins are filled with ice water. She is certified bad-ass.

She even keeps her yo-yos in a handsome leather attache in between performances. That's class. I wonder if it was custom-made with the finest Corinthian leather?

I'm thinking of booking her for the First Annual Prince of Dundalk Leadership Summit to be held at the very beautiful and luxurious La Fontaine Bleue in Glen Burnie. There will be loads of guest speakers there to talk about what its like to be born awesome and what the rest of you can do to try and fake it. We'll also have workshops, a dunk tank, a drum circle and maybe even a craft tent.

Plus we'll also have a bull and oyster roast for all participants, as well as an open bar. Entertainment, you ask? Nutty Yo-Yo Lady for sure, but also...

I'm going to get Steve Moody to rock the mic alllllllllllll night long.

Who's with me?

David Seeks Goddess

Ladies, I sent David here today to say all the things I have in my heart but can't find the words to express. Listening to David is like getting a glimpse into the very core of my being. The man has the soul of a poet and really boss hair too. Take it away, David.

(Is this why I was kicked off

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Postcards from the Land of the Rising Sun: Frightening Poodle Exercise Video

I take it back. This is creepier than an empty carnival.

So No Boobquake Yesterday...

I guess that means that Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was wrong about women's immodest dress causing men to turn to adultery and in turn cause earthquakes by going against the moral tenets of organized religion.

Who'd have thunk it?

But wait!, you might say. What about the earthquake off the coast of Taiwan? According to Boobquake founder Jen McCreight, that earthquake was statistically insignificant because the Earth experiences 134 6.0-6.9 quakes on average each year. The point of Boobquake was to try and cause a massive earthquake with cleavage, not see if any earthquake would happen. So under these terms, Boobquake was a huge success (or failure as the case may be). For all the super-sexy scientific details, check out Jen's blog post here.

I guess if we can take anything away from all of this, its that Sedighi is an asshole and women aren't the cause of all the world's problems. Just most of them (ZING!).

Is There Anything Creepier...

... than an empty carnival?

This isn't even that creepy and it still bugs me out. It was even worse on the day I took it. It was an overcast summer day and this was set up in the parking lot of Eastpoint Mall (Dundalk Represent!). The wind was starting to pick up because a storm was rolling in.

I snapped this picture and then got the hell out of there. I figured if I stuck around I would hear soft, tinkly piano music or the calliope would start up and the merry-go-round would begin moving by itself. Or even worse, I would have heard a chorus of children recite a nursery rhyme really slowly. Ooooooooooooh!!

This shit always gets me. It reminds me of Something Wicked This Way Comes, which was always coming on the Disney Channel when I was a little kid. I don't know what it was about but it looked like some carnival would roll into town and then an evil man with a beard and a top hat would do spooky shit to the kids.

They would always advertise it for Friday nights but I never tuned in. I didn't want to have a heart attack at the age of 10.

Anyway, enjoy my gorgeous art. You deserve it.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Wait! Don't Leave!

You're in the right place. I decided to change the blog around a bit and sort of went all out with a new template.

Now in addition to more room in the column for all the dirty videos I like to post for you guys, there is a completely new look befitting a royal of my stature. Sadly, Blogger didn't have any templates with solid gold fixtures but this still seemed nice. I hope everyone likes the new look.

Let me know what you think.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Lin Yu Chun and The Shat Sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

I think its safe to call this kid a luminary at this point. He is by far one of the most entertaining quasi-celebrities that I have seen this year. I hope his profile continues to grow. Then I'm hoping for a drug scandal or sex tape.
I'm leaning towards sex tape because I honestly want this kid to get some action as a result of his celebrity status. I hope he comes to the MTV Video Music Awards with some super-model or maybe even Jessica Simpson. They would make a handsome couple.

I'm On Twitter Now!

Hey gang! Just a quick note to let you know that you can now follow me on Twitter as well. I plan on using the site to alert you Tweeters to when I update the blog and, when I get used to everything, to provide exclusive content that you can't find anywhere else (insert hand-wanking gesture here)!

I'm under PrinceDundalk because some dicky douche decided to snag princeofdundalk for himself and then never do anything at all on the site. Nice work guy!

Anyway, you tech heads should love that. There is a sweet link below and also a new box in the sidebar with the link. Its right under the link to my new e-mail that no one ever sends naked pics to.

Follow The Prince

PS I probably won't post this blog post on Twitter because that's kind of mental.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Tomorrow is the Boobquake!

Just a quick reminder that tomorrow is the potential Boobquake, so ladies come correct and make sure to put them on the glass if you get the chance. Also make sure you don't stray too far from fallout shelters or, at the very least, a doorway in the event that all the mam flesh shakes the Earth to its core.

As an aside, I found the above picture through a Google image search for "huge cleavage." I'm not sure what I would do if I were to see something like that tomorrow. I think the macho male response would be to say you would howl like a wolf and motorboat the girl, but I think my real reaction would be way more prudish. I think that would be kind of overwhelming to see in person. I would probably blush and say something like"Well, I never!" and storm off.

Stay safe tomorrow and enjoy the view!

Friday, April 23, 2010

There Is Another Poll Up

I like doing polls so I've created another one. In this one I try to get to the bottom of the recent run of earthquakes. Thus far only one of you has voted and that person went with a smart money bet if you asked me.

If any one power is behind the earthquakes then I think Poseidon is who we should be looking at.

In any event, please take a quick second to peruse the selections and cast your vote. The polls don't work without audience participation, so if you're a regular reader, someone who stops by every now and again (What's your deal anyway? This blog rules.) or a first-timer, cast a quick vote.

If no one else votes then Poseidon is going to be coming to me for answers and I don't know if I can take that kind of heat.

Banned Plus-Size Commercial Loaded with Curves, Big Boobs

In keeping with the whole Boobquake theme that has taken over my life and this blog, I present to you, my discriminating viewers, a Lane Bryant commercial that was censored by both ABC and Fox. The reason given for not airing the commercial is that the cleavage on the model was too excessive.

If you ask me, the cleavage is no worse than the cleavage you see during any number of Victoria’s Secret advertisements, which have execs at Lane Bryant calling foul. They say it’s not an issue of too much sexiness, but rather a bias against plus-size women.

As you can imagine, all parties are arguing back and forth over the issue and everyone has a different story, but it seems to me that you really can’t censor a commercial like this because the model has a little more cleavage than one of the ladies in a Victoria’s Secret commercial.

And lest you think I'm turning my little kingdom into a feminist blog, I will tell you the real reason that I'm writing about this: That girl is hot as shit. I totally got a semi while watching the commercial. I will take her over one of the Victoria’s Secret Angels any day of the week. No kidding.

She's all trying on her sexy stuff before going out to a naughty lunch with Dan. It doesn't look like they'll be headed to the T.G.I. Friday's. That Dan is a lucky bastard.

I think this woman could create her very own Boobquake and level a small city like Annapolis without even batting an eye.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Because It's Guru...

... I'm putting up another video favorite of mine. Biggie got multiple posts on the anniversary of his death and I think Guru deserves the same respect.

Enjoy. And again, check out the works of Gang Starr and Guru's solo career if you haven't yet. You won't regret it.

The Boobquake Cometh!

As you may have heard, Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi recently blamed promiscuous women who dress immodestly for the dearth of earthquakes that have rocked the planet in the last few months.

He was quoted as saying "Many women who do not dress modestly... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes."

That sounds about right. His solution? Take refuge in the moral codes of religion. I'm not so sure that its going to help. We're a little too far gone if you ask me.

But Jen McCreight, a Purdue University student and real American hero, has a solution of her own. On Monday, April 26th, Jen proposes a scientific experiment to test the esteemed cleric's theory. Jen will wear her most revealing shirt, and implores other women across the globe to do the same, in an attempt to unleash the unholy might of the female breast.

If all goes well, the abundance of flesh will create a massive boobquake that will shake the entire planet and possibly topple a major city. If you're going to go out, I can't think of a better way.

I for one support this plan and will be wearing my own revealing top this coming Monday. Ladies get ready to get an eyeful of my Wolfman chest and totally sweet Italian horn necklace. I'm looking forward to what is hopefully boobies galore, all in an attempt to send a big FU to Sedighi and his bullshit. Its going to get awful sexy and protesty.

To check out Jen's page and join in the cause, visit her blog at

I hope to see all your boobies on Monday!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Creepy Robot Mouth That Actually Talks

This is really sexy. Its giving me all kinds of super-fun, sexy ideas despite the fact that it sounds like me blowing my nose and the morning and might be a guy robot.

Seriously though, say hi to the voice of our new robot overlords. When Skynet becomes self-aware and decides to exterminate us in nuclear fire, this is how it will announce it. Then come the hoverships and Terminator robots to finish up the job.

I sure hope John Connor is reading this.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Latest Poll is Closed

You guys did not disappoint me. Point Break came in at the top spot with 40% of the votes. I think I could probably name all the people that voted for that movie. This movie winning means there is justice in the world, just like Johnny Utah got justice in his own special way. I think we can all take solace in that.

You can also take solace in the fact that this t-shirt exists in the world. WHAT?! That thing is the shit. I'm straight up buying that. It screams "awesome blogger/FBI bad ass/surf god" and that's pretty much what I'm going for on a daily basis.

The Lord of the Rings trilogy came in second place as I figured it would. It's cool and nerdy but doesn't have the cache of Point Break. I knew of one person who would definitely vote for that one, but this also happened to be a guy who said he would let the Hobbits gang-bang him for the chance to travel through Middle Earth.

That just sounds dangerous to me. First, those four little dudes could really deal out some shit so you can't assume you'll be in a power position during the sex. Then, assuming you get through the orgy, you're running through Middle-Earth with no kind of weapons training. Unless you just hung out and got baked on pipe weed in the Shire, you're going to run into some trouble. There are evil orcs and wizards and trolls and then humans. You think you're going out for a ride on the Riddermark and then BOOM! Eomer throws a spear through your chest for cruising on his turf. No questions asked.

I'll stick with sunny SoCal, thank you very much. I'd also like to try those meatball sandwiches Pappas kept talking about.

The Hangover netted 10% (1 vote) and I think this is a wonderful choice except for the intense hangover (duh!) you would have whilst rolling through Vegas.

Any porno ever made also netted 10% and this was my dark horse pick. I almost voted for this myself. I think the idea of free love like in the pornos is pretty great too. It takes no work in porn.

You go to your teacher to ask about a grade and she gives you an "A" if you bang her. Great. In porn you can drive along a street and basically talk an unsuspecting woman into your car and back to your studio with the flimsiest of lies. I think living in a porn would be nice for a day or two, but it would probably be exhausting. Plus there is the VD to consider.

Sex and the City got one vote too. I put that choice in as a way of profiling my audience. To whomever chose that one, congrats! You failed the test.

R.I.P. Guru

One of hip-hop's finest has passed away. Guru, real name Keith Elam, lost his battle with cancer Monday morning. One half of the pioneering group Gang Starr along with DJ Premier, Guru had a heart attack in February of this year and slipped into a coma.

Guru helped define the genre and he will be greatly missed by all hip-hop heads.

I've posted the video for one of my favorite tracks. If you've never heard Gang Starr or Guru then there is no better time than now to check them out.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Texas Stadium Imploding from the Inside

This is kind of cool and will probably bring a smile to the face of all of my readers who bleed burgundy and gold for the Redskins (I think there is only one of you, but I'm not above pandering). As many of you know, Texas Stadium got blowed up last week and it was as cool as expected.

In what can only be called the classiest move ever, the city of Irving, Texas sold promotional rights to the implosion to the Kraft company who used this as the logical jumping off point for their Macaroni & Cheese Cheddar Explosion campaign. Nice move guys. The positive flipside to this is that an 11-year-old kid named Casey Rogers got to push the button and bring the stadium down thanks to his winning essay about making a difference in his community. I'm sure he got some Cheddar Explosion out of the deal as well.

I'd be game to check this new Mac & Cheese out, but I'm a litte afraid now. It might be too packed with cheddar flavor if it was able to bring down a football stadium.

My favorite part of the video is the very end when the cable takes out the camera. That's about the coolest thing you could hope for in a situation like this. The only thing better would be if the cameras caught some guy running to the relative safety of midfield, while the building comes down around him.

Sadly, no one woke up out of their stupor as the nitro went off, denying me of my just reward. Oh well. Such is life.

Friday, April 16, 2010

So That Just Happened...

I was sitting here at my desk, minding my own business when something inexplicable occurred. I was shocked by the headphones I had plugged into my computer.

I literally heard a noise and felt two tiny little jolts of electricity arc from the headphones and into my ears. It was a very small voltage but it scared the hell out of me. Now my head is really hurting.

The plus side is that I'm not hearing any of the voices anymore. That's what you call a silver lining. Everything is coming up Prince, today!

Blatant Video Theft Corner: I'm Issuing a Premptive Amber Alert on This Guy

This comes from a Canadian TV show called Just Like Mom. I have no idea what the point of the show was about but it was apparently a great way for host Fergie Oliver to meet potential molestees. I think a better name for the show would be Exhibit A, but that's just me. I'm not sure about the ins and outs of child protection laws in Canada, so I probably shouldn't speculate.

This is a very creepy video. This guy really is persistent. I'm a little bit pertrubed by the way he steals kisses. He also really leans on these little girls to give in too.

When you're on TV and a weird man that smells like Old Spice is up in your mix asking for a hug and a kiss, what do you do? I bet that is intimidating as hell. And that is what makes him a predator. It kind of reminds me of how J.D. Roth would always ask for hugs from the contestants on Fun House, which was a bad ass show. The kids would always do it, but you could tell that it was not something they wanted to do. That was nowhere near as creepy as old Ferg here.

Anyway, if there is a higher power this man is now either locked up or chemically castrated. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Prince's Word of the Day: Ne Plus Ultra & Bloviate

I have another double-dip today. I decided to run with both of them because they really sum up my little online kingdom quite nicely.

"Ne Plus Ultra" means "the highest point, as of excellence or achievement; the acme; the pinnacle; the ultimate" or "the most profound degree of a quality or condition."

Totally fitting, right? I think I might add that onto the Royal Seal. Maybe above the cheeseburger or below the middle finger. That should really class that thing up and make the state dinners at Squire's the shit.

The second word "bloviate" means "to speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner."

Another perfect fit. That pretty much sums up my entire career as a blogger/writer. What am I if not pompous and boastful. I don't feel like I have found my voice as a writer unless I have complimented myself or boasted at least 10-15 times in a piece.

I might have to get those words tattooed on my forehead like Michelle "Bombshell" McGee.

Harvard Sailing Team's "Boys Will Be Girls"

OMG! Hun cal fro yo?!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You've Gotta Love America's Pastime

One of the cooler things I have done in my professional life (it felt weird to write that) was work as an intern with a minor league affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles. For those of you that have never been to a minor league game, let me just tell you that it is night and day compared to going to Camden Yards.

Yeah the sport is the same, but the atmosphere is much different. In order to get butts in the seats, the teams run all kinds of crazy promotions and let like 300 people throw out the "first pitch" before a game. While I was there we had Tennis Ball Madness, where you would hurl numbered tennis balls into hula hoops on the field in an attempt to win cash and prizes; a Chik-Fil-A promotion where blindfolded contestants would try to find and tackle a 10-foot-tall inflatable cow by using the crowd noise as a guide; and a host of Little League nights and fireworks shows.

We also had one guy that wanted to have a cow-milking race behind home plate. This was obviously a bad idea for a number of logistical reasons including but not limited to: 1) Cows are slow and will hold up the start of the game and 2) Cow shit everywhere. Thankfully, this idea did not get off the ground thanks to the firm refusal of our groundskeeper.

This little video I have posted kind of typefies my experience in the minor leagues. This could very well have happened in our stadium. I'm not sure our PA guys would have been quick enough to start playing "Yakkity Sax" while the dog was running around.

Now you may ask "Prince Matt, would you have been the intern catching the dog or cleaning up the shit?"

To which I would answer "Neither. I would have been the intern hiding in the press box with the local newspaper guys eating free hot dogs and laughing at the people cleaning up the shit."

It was a pretty sweet gig.

She's An Easy Lover! She'll Take a Hold on You Believe It!

Oh I do believe it, Phils.

If you don't like this song even a little bit then there might not be any hope for you. This is some of the baddest shit to ever come out of a recording studio and I still love it a quarter of a century later.

Feel free to make fun of the video though. Its a total piece of shit. Its like they were filming the shitty video and realized how shitty it was and just decided to give you a behind the scenes look at all the shitiness.

Even then they were like "It's really lacking something. Hmmmmm. I know! Get Philip Bailey to take a helicopter tour of London and then film that shit. Cut and print."

If I were the director I would have had the two Phils pursuing said "easy lover" through the streets of London caper-style and have them run into increasing difficult obstacles that block their path. Get it? Maybe it's not so "easy" to "love" "her" ("lover") after all.

Boom! Juxtaposition! I should have gone to film school.

I think Phil Collins could have jazzed up his ensemble a little bit. He looks like he just came from an Easter Egg Hunt. The tie should be way skinnier and I think he would look boss if he rolled up the sleeves of his suit jacket. I've always loved that look.

Also, that sweater vest does not scream rock star. Then again Phil Collins never really screamed rock star anyway. He's like if your dad was in a band, which mine was. Trust me on this one.

Despite his dadness, Phil Collins put up a tremendous effort and helped Phillip Bailey create an '80s masterpieces. I defy you to not sing along with this when the video is playing. Its impossible.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Lin Yu Chun Can Move!

Tawainese superstar took the Internet by storm last week with his tearjerking rendition of the Whitney Houston classic "I Will Always Love You" and now the kid has chosen to bust out his dance moves.

This guy is my hero. He looks like that Bobby Lee character from MadTV but he moves like one of the Fly Girls. He's off the hook.

Hopefully he will end up on American Idol before the end of the year and then he's got to get some kind of reality show or something.

The funny thing is, I've only heard him sing the one Whitney tune. I wonder if her can sing anything else. Does he even know any other songs? Wouldn't that be nuts if he could only sing the one song really well and everything else sounded like shit? That would be bananas.

There is Another New Poll

Since I like to gauge the coolness of my readers, I have set up another poll for your voting pleasure. Make sure you place your vote today, because you have a voice and it deserves to be heard. Maybe.

Also, if I left off any totally boss movies that you would like to live in, let me know and we can add them to another awesome poll.

Or not. I don't care. I'm doing this all for you, so the least you could do is show some appreciation. It wouldn't kill you to e-mail my special new blog e-mail.


Honda Unveils Greatest Device Ever

Finally! I get tired of walking quickly and I don't like to ride my Segway because I have to stand up and its hard on my feet, so you can imagine how happy I was to see that Honda has us slothful consumers in mind with its newest device.

The U3-X kicks all kinds of ass and will make it infinitely easier for me to make my way from the couch to the fridge for another beer or bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Hopefully Wal-Mart will start offering these for customer use because the current Jazzies are so out this season.

My only gripe is that the butt cushion doesn't look that comfortable and I could really use a place to put my Big Gulp. And maybe a pizza.

I think another great use for one of these - besides encouraging my sloth - would be tricking friends into thinking you are a ghost. You just throw a sheet over yourself and start gliding around the room with that thing and people will think you are totally from the Other Side. If you mix up a little green slime you could totally pass for a non-repeating phantasm or a class 5 free-roaming vapor.

The possibilities are endless, really. Thanks Honda!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Postcards from the Land of the Rising Sun: Nylon Face Tug-of-War

This video doesn't need much of a set-up. Since its all in Japanese, the video relies on the universal language of absurd humor to get its point across to American audiences.

I just can't say enough about these insane Japanese game shows. I think the U.S. was on the right track with Wipeout, which aired last summer, and Minute to Win It, but we could stand to do a little better if we really want to catch up with the Japanese.

When I see things like this, I wonder what bushido-practicing samurai would say if they could see their people today. Probably the same thing the U.S. founding fathers would say if they saw all the ridiculous stuff we got into. Only in Japanese.

Anyway, enjoy the absurdity.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Poll is Closed!

It looks like people were divided on whether or not they would rather eat a meal with Betty White or Bill Murray. Both nabbed four votes each. I would have had a hard time choosing between those two as well.

Dear old Dad, the King of Dundalk came in second place with two votes. Lucky him. Eating with my dad is a lovely affair except when he pretends he doesn't know what your food tastes like so that he can try it. Oh you've never had a chicken finger before, Dad? Right. He also likes to clean your plate for you, which is sometimes OK. Normally he and I duel for who gets the leftovers.

The tie for last place came down to Sir Paul McCartney and myself, which really isn't bad company if you think about it. He is a Beatle after all. Also I think most of you have had a meal with me so it isn't all that big of a deal. Its not like it's fun to watch me sweat and breathe heavy while I'm devouring a rack of ribs or bacon cheeseburger.

I originally thought that my one vote came from my mother, which would have been a little lame and a lot awesome, but then I asked her if she voted in the poll and she answered with a terse "No." Thanks, Mom.

Whoever you are mystery voter, I thank you. It was a very pleasant ego stroke, even if I didn't win the poll.

Sloganmaker Will Turbocharge Your Ad Campaign

So this is a fun little site. All you do is type in your name and it makes up a slogan for you.

Its nice to have the guesswork taken out of the whole affair. I'm really quite fond of my new slogan and plan to have t-shirts made up.

Now, without further ado, the new Prince of Dundalk slogan!

The Prince of Dundalk - If you love The Prince of Dundalk.

That sounds about right for this little POS I got going on right here.

To make your own slogans, click here. I'd love to hear what you got.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Birdland Summertime Classic

If you don't know who this is then I probably don't want to know. Fine! I'll tell you. Its none other than fellow Baltimore nobleman Earl Weaver, the Earl of Baltimore, doing what he did best.

There are quite a few Baltimore Oriole legends and this man stands right up there with the likes of Brooks Robinson, Cal Ripken, Frank Robinson and all of the others. I suspect he might have more pull in the Baltimore area then I do, which is saying a lot.

But I bet most of you don't come here so you can read gushing praise about sports idols, so I will movie on. This video was shot when I was two years old and shows Weaver losing his shit after pitcher Mike Flanagan was called for a balk. The umpire that made the call was miked up for a documentary that was being filmed and as a result we have this wonderful time capsule of America's pastime.

Weaver was an excellent baseball manager but really excelled and arguing with umpires. Weaver has the distinction of being ejected from more Major League Baseball games than anyone else in American League history with 97.

After any dubious call, you would see this little man shoot out of the dug-out like a rocket. One of his signature moves was to turn his ball cap backwards so he could get right in the face of the ump and yell without touching him. He would also kick dirt on the umpire's shoes.

The best part of this video is that Earl won't let up. This video makes me laugh and well up with hometown pride every time I watch it.

KFC's Double Down Arrives Soon

So I saw this yesterday afternoon and was alternately repulsed and intrigued. On one hand, I love to try disgusting new fast food items. On the other hand, its KFC, and we have had a tumultuous relationship to say the least.

The Double Down consists of bacon, cheese and "Colonel's Sauce" sandwiched between two fried chicken patties. Why the hell not?

I for one applaud KFC's approach here. They have basically taken a page from Hardee's book and realized that Americans really don't give a shit about what they put in our bodies and decided to profit from it. More power to them.

I'm sure we'll see news stories about giant people who only eat Double Downs. Or human interest pieces about fat couples that met in line at KFC while waiting for these delicious, fried time bombs. I'm sure there will also be critics of this new item lambasting the chain for offering such a nutrient-devoid creation. At the very least it will make for some interesting TV.

Will I try one? Maybe. Like I said, KFC and I are not on the best of terms. If I do get one, I need to make sure my schedule for the rest of the day is clear and that I am home. Inevitably, each KFC meals is followed up by some homemade chocolate pudding, if you catch my meaning.

I will say one thing: the Double Down is no Monster Burger. If I'm going to go down, I'd like to go down eating one of those.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Whitney Better Watch Her Back

This kid really tears this song up, which is odd considering he is a dude, is tuxedoed and has a bowl cut. Whitney Houston really has nothing on this guy.

I like the formality he brings to the show with his dress. He respects the art and the process. The little hipster chick he was apparently going to battle did not stand a chance. She was too laissez-faire about the whole ordeal.

I hope this kid blows up like nitro. If he came to the U.S. he could be like a talented William Hung or a cool Susan Boyle.

Maybe he can be in a reality show with Bobby Brown. He could be his manager or something. I'd watch that.

One of the Greatest Tattoos I Have Ever Seen

Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Stoltz is Rocky Dennis in Peter Bogdanovich's Mask.

As an aside, I was too scared to watch this movie as a kid because my mother told me the guy had a monster face.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Street Musicians Need to Step Up Their Game

I work in Washington, D.C. now and one of the singular pleasures I have is taking the Metro to my office each day. It allows me to read the paper or a book while traveling and is a peaceful respite from the normal driving.

Some mornings and afternoons when I make my way to or from the Metro stop in the city I am greeted by street musicians standing near the escalator, playing for money.
Sometimes this works out nice. There is one guitarist who plays smooth jazz and its kind of cool. I've seen this guy jam with a dude on a keyboard before, which was great, and also with a hippie playing an acoustic guitar, which was not so great. I think it just depends on who gets their first.

All in all, I have no problem with this. Its normally pleasant music, the guys playing make some seed money and the rich, white folk get to experience the urban culture that they missed out on while studying law in New Haven.

But, every now and again it all goes horribly wrong. Like today.

This morning while I was riding the huge-ass escalator to the street level, my ears were assaulted by my least favorite of the street musicians, the trumpet player. The trumpet is a fine instrument in the right hands, but this guy's hands ain't it.

From the escalator, I heard a weird, discordant rendition of "Hava Nagila." This guy was all over the place. He played the familiar part and then kind of forgot what he was doing and stopped and then muddled through what seemed to be the same tune for a few seconds.

As this was going on, I quickly tried to cross the street and get out of earshot, but I wasn't so lucky. What followed next was some free-form jazz riffing that would have made Miles Davis bust out of his grave and feast on the trumpeter' brains. Zombie Miles might be on the way right now. I'm not sure.

When the musician settled down and decided on his next piece, I was surprised to hear the opening bars of "When You Wish Upon a Star." That's a nice sweet song that reminds everyone that dreams really do come true. Maybe even for a down-on-his-luck street musician. I started to come around on the guy and think that maybe he was OK, when he segued into the theme song from The Flintstones. Thankfully, I was out of earshot after that.

Seriously though. The Flintstones? I like the show as much as the next guy, but come on! Work on your set list a little bit. It couldn't hurt to practice either.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Muppets Easter Madness

Happy Easter to everyone out there in my little kingdom! Today is the day where we go to church with the family and misbehave, all the while staring at the ass of the girl in front of me. I think that's what you're supposed to do. Its in the Bible or something. But seriously, the girl had a nice booty.

In any event, this video is the perfect excuse for taking a little time off from Easter Egg hunts and eating ham or whatever you like to do on a Sunday. As you can clearly see its the Muppets, so it goes on the blog.

I hope you all enjoy it.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Lost Cinema Classics: Orangutan Flips the Bird in Cannonball Run 2

So its a beautiful Friday morning and I couldn't think of a better way to start the day than with a clip from one of the cinematic masterpieces of our time, Cannonball Run 2.

These movies were just an excuse for Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise to drive in cool cars together and get a paycheck. They were also an excuse to cram just about everyone and everything you could possibly imagine into and hour and a half.

The highlight of the movie has to be the orangutan limo driver. Monkeys (apes to be precise) are always funny and this one might be the funniest of them all.

Now you may wonder what prompted me to post such a video. There's an easy answer and I will share it with you. This morning, while taking a shower, I started doing my impression of the orangutan and giggling uncontrollably. It consists of me blowing raspberries, baring my teeth and flipping the bird. Its a pretty fantastic impression too. I really capture the spirit of the animal's performance.

That's about it, really. I'm not too bright.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Some New Features for Your Blog-Reading Pleasure

Since I am all about bringing you pleasure (especially the ladies! wink), I have added some stuff to the blog that may help out.

You can now subscribe to my posts and comments and add them to your Gmail or Yahoo mail or whatever. Also, you can now search the blog's posts.

Why didn't I add these things sooner? Because I'm an idiot and I didn't know they existed until the other day. Sorry. I'm trying my best so stop being a jerk.

According to one anonymous fan (my sister), the subscription thing is tits. Now you can all know when I post something immediately and then come and get your fix of The Prince.

Also, I added a box on the side with my e-mail address in case anyone has a Crimestopper Tip or something naughty and dirty they want to see on the blog. I will also accept well-wishes and suggestions, but only good ones.

I think with these new high tech advances, The Prince of Dundalk is poised to be at the forefront of the blogosphere and we will all be hailed as pioneers of a new age. Or something like that.