Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Top Arnie Quotes

This is a pretty long video and I doubt many of you will even view it, but its my blog and I can do whatever I want so here goes.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie Quotes of All Time. I particularly enjoyed the "bullshit" and "fuck" medlies, all the stuff from Predator and when Conan recites what is best in life.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed Arnie's films. The action is always over-the-top and who can forget the ridiculous one-liners he was always dropping on us? They're so great with that thick accent he has. He's been in this country for 42 years. You think he would have lost it, or toned it down, by now, but I guess we should be thankful. It's a part of his charm.

Anyway, if you need me over the next couple of days, I'll be in front of the TV rewatching all of these modern classics.

The Current Poll: An Update!

Well it looks like all I need to do is piss and moan a bit and then everyone shows up and participates around here. Luckily for you guys, pissing and moaning is what I do best.

Since I last bitched about it, the poll has had a whole lot (read: 8) of votes placed. Whew! Talk about a blistering pace! So far Betty White and Bill Murray are neck and neck with three votes a piece. Tied for second is Sir Paul McCartney and my father Sir Robert of Dundalk (who the other morning ran out of the house in his underwear to yell at the squirrels eating the freshly planted grass seed).

Bringing up the rear is me (sad trombone sound)! I guess most of you have already eaten with me before so its not that big of a deal to share a meal with me. Especially when I pick off your plate. Its a bad habit I am trying to break (not really).

Also, the previous paragraph was not an attempt at shameless vote-begging. For reals. I'm not that lame. All those other people are way more interesting than me. I put my name on the list to weed out the brown-nosers.

Anywho, vote if you haven't already yet. There are still a few more days left in the poll and all of my royal subjects have an equal voice that deserves to be heard.

Equal to each other, of course. Not me.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Yinz Should Visit Picksburg

Now I'm not usually a "your town sucks" kind of guy because I was born in the Baltimore area and we get our fair share of shit. Every place has its pros and cons and I kind of think its stupid to trash an entire place because you don't like one particular part.

However, I will make an exception for Pittsburgh. My only beef with them is the damn Steelers, or Stillers as the Picksburg locals like to call them. I won't get into football specifics, but chances are if you're reading this blog you bleed purple and black (and maybe a little orange when the O's are winning), so I don't need to explain any hatred I may have for the team.

As far as the city goes, its not that bad. I had some fun times it old Pittsburgh when my cousins lived there and even rooted for the Steelers waaaaaaay back before Bodymore stole itself a new team. Also, how could I hate a town that makes a sandwich like this?

God bless you, Primanti Bros. You're doing the Lord's work.

Truth be told, the only thing that makes this news story uniquely Pittsburgh is the Dusquesne t-shirt and the regional Pittsburghese dialect. Put a Terps shirt on the guy and switch the "yinz" to a "youse" and that guy could be from Essex or--dare I say it?--Dundalk.

I guess at the end of the day, those damn Yinzers really are just like us Baltimorons. We're both from blue collar cities that like to overeat and we are passionate about our football teams. We just have a less rapey quarterback.

My point is we're all trashy and should probably stick together. Enjoy the video.

Monday, March 29, 2010

There's A New Poll

So far only two of you have voted and you're all making me feel like a buster.

I feel like this is a fun poll that everyone can get behind. You have to want to meet at least one person on that list, so get voting people!

If you have a better set of candidates to have a meal with, let me know and we can run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

For the person who wants to have dinner with my dad, e-mail me and I will set that up for you.

That is all! Return to your normal daily tasks.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Postcards from the Land of the Rising Sun: Pussy Soup

I decided to begin a new feature on the blog so I can keep track of all the bizarre shit I find from Japan.

I feel that every video that I come across is like a glimpse into the very surreal life of these people in the Far East. I'd like you all to think of this blog as some kind of cultural trading post or some other equally pretentious analogy, and use it thusly.

As for this video, I've got no fucking clue. Obviously there are cats that make soup in it, hence the name "Pussy Soup." They apparently use lasers in their soup-making and sometimes have fire-eyes, but there are still a lot of questions that need to be answered. First and foremost in my mind, are the puppet cats perceived as different in this world or are they the same?

This is the same problem I had with Rolf running a kennel in The Muppets Take Manhattan. WTF, man?

Also, I'm pretty sure I heard the phrase "chocolate titty" in the clip, but that might have been Japanese. Or maybe someone really said "chocolate titty." I rule nothing out.

Hot Tub Time Machine Premiers Today

Needless to say, I am excited. I've been waiting for a mindless, raunchy sex comedy for a while and this looks like it.

The movie is also getting some very good reviews. The Washington Post critic went so far as to call it "brilliant." That's exactly what I want to hear. Nothing like a brilliant comedy with nudity and pervasive profanity to start my weekend.

I'm looking forward to turning my brain off and enjoying this movie.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Bill Murray Tends Bar at SXSW

This video is one of the coolest things I have ever seen and just adds more creedance to my claim that Bill Murray is one of the only people I would stand in line to meet.

Apparently, Bill was hanging out in a bar in Austin, Tejas for a bit and then left to go see a Wu-Tang Clan show. Then he came back to the bar with the RZA and the GZA (who I met at the Roy Rogers in the Columbia Mall back in the day. C.R.E.A.M. muthafuckas!) and proceeded to guest bartend for a while, serving tequila shots no matter what the patrons ordered.

What a cool, fucking shit! I love this guy. I haven't seen a movie with him in it that I didn't like. He's basically King Midas. Everything he touches is gold.

How cool would it be to be sitting in a bar and have Bill Murray come up and ask what your pleasure is only to give you a tequila shot? Incredibly cool would be the answer to that question. But wait there's more! You look down the bar and -- oh shit, son! -- its Bobby Digital and the Genius!

Best day ever? Probably.

I also think its pretty boss that the bar sells Cheezits and Chex Mix.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Prince's Man Crushes: Chris Evans

So this guy is a newer entry to my list of man crushes, but it no less special in my book. I've always enjoyed Chris Evans's work. He has a boyish charm that comes across nicely in his films and lets be honest here, he's pretty dreamy a la Jon Hamm.

The reason he jumps up on my list is that Chris was offered the role of Captain America in several of Marvel's upcoming films. He'll star in three Cap movies, The Avengers and then whatever else they want him to do. He signed up for what is essentially indentured servitude, but it could very well be a star-making turn.

Why am I so excited about Captain America, you may ask? Where the hell have you been, I ask? I'm a huge geek and this is very important to me. The Captain America origin story combines several of my great loves, namely super-heroes and World War II. If you throw Betty White and a ghost hunt in this movie it might become my most favorite picture of all time.

Evans was chosen to play Steve Rogers (Cap's real name) after a very long and exhaustive bout of public rumors as to who would win the role. Contenders included John Krasinski, Channing Tatum and a bunch of other lesser known guys.

I think Evans will do a fine job. He looks the part and is a pretty beefy, which makes him perfect man crush material.

Look! Handsome and pensive. Anywho, this dude is perfect beefcake for all the ladies and also pretty good secret man crush potential for all the fellas (How secret is it when I post it on the Internet?), especially when he starts slinging the shield in the new Cap movie.

He's still no Jon Hamm, but he could get there.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Betty White is the Shit

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Betty White is the raddest lady ever. She has now moved onto my list of people I would stand in line to meet. That is a very exclusive club that includes, me, Paul McCartney and Bill Murray.

This Ellen clip is Betty at her finest. I can't wait until May 8th. I just hope the SNL folks don't drop the ball.

Monday, March 22, 2010

An Oldie But a Goodie

I came across this today and decided it was time for everyone to watch it again. Its probably been a few years for you all.

I really love how this neighborhood bullshitted everyone so hard that a news crew had to come out and cover it. I wonder if the crew knew it was bullshit or found out on the scene and decided to just run with it. Somebody had to have lost a job over that gem of a human interest piece.

News Guy: So where is the leprechaun.

Local Indigent: Oh, he's in the tree.

News Guy: Great. Ted, lets get the spotlight on the tree and see if we can get some footage for the 11 o'clock broadcast.

Local Indigent: Oh, wait. The leprechaun disappears when its sees light.

News Guy: Really?

Local Indigent: Yup. But here is an amateur sketch of what he looks like.

News Guy: Fuck it. It's late.

And no discussion of the Alabama Leprechaun would be complete without the rap remix!

World of Warcraft Freak-out

This little video kind of speaks for itself. Its one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen but I guess that goes hand in hand with World of Warcraft from what I have been told. I've heard the devotion is cult-like, which is why I have never signed up, even though I was tempted during a free trial. I've already taken Farmville to incredible levels of obsession.

I'm not sure what would happen if I ventured in WOW. I would probably be an awesome Night Elf Paladin or something sweet like that.

I think my favorite part of the video is when the kid gets so angry that he tries to shove his remote control into his own asshole. I've done lots of stupid things when I was angry, but that is something that has never occurred to me.

I also applaud the brother for the good sense to get the camera in the room for the initial freak-out. Now you may say to yourself "Prince! Oh, Prince! The video has to be faked." To that I reply "So what?" If its fake than the kid losing his shit is a fantastic improv performer and we may have seen the newest way to break into the acting game.

I guess the moral of the story is don't mess with your kid's WOW account unless you really just don't give a shit and find stuff like that funny. I probably won't win any parenting awards when I have kids.

Friday, March 19, 2010

I Found the Predators Trailer!

Not that anyone other than me was really clamoring for this, but I found another trailer for the Robert Rodriguez-produced Predators and its starting to look like a worthy successor to Arnold's action masterpiece.

The gist of the film is that a bunch of people are dropped on this Predator-filled island or planet that is essentially a game preserve. The humans are teamed up Dirty Dozen-style and are mercenaries, prisoners, Yakuza and other assorted bad asses.

Also the movie has Danny Trejo, who might be one of the scariest actors ever. As you can tell, I have pretty much gotten over my initial hesitance to embrace the film. It is a Predator movie after all.

This looks like a fun, summer popcorn flick. If you aren't into this then I probably don't want to be your friend.

The Prince's Word of the Day: Hirsute & Cozen

First up is "hirsute," which means "covered in hair" and is one of my favorite words of all time. I like it for two reasons: 1) it applies to me and 2) it sounds like "hair suit," which is kind of funny and led me to the image above. The image tag read "lovell_hair_suit.jpg." I think that is right on the money and we are all a little better off for having seen it.

The second Word of the Day (I was inexplicably sent three today) is "cozen." This word means "to obtain by deceit" or "to act deceitfully" depending on what type of verb you are using. Like you could build a fortune by cozening people. I think this definition sucks.

My definition would be "to make cozy." I will use it in a sentence.

"I was planning a Harry Potter movie marathon with some friends so I decided to cozen up the house by dimming the lights, starting a fire and making some butter beer."

See? Perfect! Who wouldn't want to occasionally cozen their home when the need arises?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Japanese Zit Cream Commercial

Yay! Another stolen video. How original.

Cut me some slack, dammit. I really like Japanese television and wanted to share it with you.

This commercial starts off like a Peter Gabriel video and kind of ends up like a Bjork video. There are claymation zits and a rotating Hindu-esque god with an American dude head, as well as a very brief live-action sequence where models are dressed like a giant bush and building, respectively.

Oh, and all of this happens in 15 seconds.

The overall effect is that it makes me feel like I ate a handful of mushrooms or that someone slipped some PCP in my green tea this morning, which if I haven't previously mentioned is my FAVORITE way to start the day!

Enjoy your trip!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Predators Sneak Peek

My love for Point Break is very well-documented, but if you've known me for a while then you know that there is another movie that ranks right up there with the extreme sports classic. I am referring, of course, to Predator.

That movie rules on so many levels. I even enjoyed the LA-based sequel with Danny Glover and Bill Paxton. When I heard that Robert Rodriguez would be adding another film to the Predator mythos and would be taking it back to the jungle, I was pretty stoked. Then I heard who would be starring in the film.

We went from Arnold, Carl Weathers and Jesse the Body to Adrian Brody, Lawrence Fishburne and Topher Grace. Not exactly a trade-up. Brody does not scream "Special Ops Soldier" but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I saw some kick-ass guns in the preview and I imagine stuff will explode, so my lower-brain functions will be satisfied despite the lack of steroids in the cast.

I was pretty much going to see this no matter how crappy it looked. I just hope the film has iconic moments like "Kill me! I'm here!" and the super-awesome meeting of Dutch and Dillon.

Boom! Bad ass. I am going to get that tattooed on my bicep.

Reach for the Stars, Lady!

I'd like to introduce you all to Donna Simpson. Donna, who I am happy to report is not from Dundalk, is 600 lbs. and is anxious to make it past the 1,000 lb. mark and become the world's fattest woman.

Good for you, dumbass! Aim high and dream the impossible dream! Don't let the naysayers stand in your way!

How did Donna head down this path? Well first and foremost, she lives in New Jersey. Not a lot you can do about that. Second, she married a chubby-chaser who encourages her to get bigger. Nice guy.

This story is so inspirational that I hope it becomes a modern fairy tale. Maybe Disney could do an animated version and call it The Princess and the Buffet.

Check out the rest of the article here.

I have to say that reading about it did make me hungry for sushi. Just not for 70 pieces. Maybe only like 50.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Betty White to Host SNL

In what is probably one of the greatest instances of the people getting what they want, it was recently announced that Betty White will be the host of Saturday Night Live on May 8th. It was originally thought that she would be a part of a group of hosts including Tina Fey, Molly Shannon and Amy Poehler, but the people in charge came to their senses and named her the sole host, with those ladies pitching in for some sketches along with some other ex-SNL ladies. I guess that makes some sense since Betty White is 88 years old and the show comes on pretty late.

I, for one, am stoked. I have been a Betty White fan since way back. She was my favorite of the Golden Girls and she kind of reminds me of my tiny little grandma. Also, this is a personal triumph for me since I joined that Facebook page begging the people in charge to let her host the show.

So make sure you watch that night. I think she will do a bang-up job.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Walrus Enjoys Self Mouth Pleasure

Again I ask you, how do you not post this? Its like a public service or something.

Now on to the important stuff. IS THAT THE MOVE?!

Dudes have been trying to do this for years and they probably never thought to submerge themselves in water. Think of all the slipped disks and other back injuries that could have been avoided if men had thought of this sooner.

Now obviously you run into a few small problems.

1. Walruses have super-huge dongs so they don't have to hedgehog as much as a normal guy would.

2. Humans can't breathe underwater. Yet.

I trust that the scientists will get on this very soon. I think you'll be able to have outpatient gill surgery by the end of the year. I can't wait.

The only problem that pops up after this is where do you go to self-fellate. Public pool is potentially out. You don't want to freak out the little kids in swim class. I can't imagine the Department of Natural Resources would be happy if there were a bunch of guys bobbing around in lakes and ponds either.

One thing is for sure, its going to be a very busy and interesting summer poolside.

PS If I happen to turn up dead in my parents' pool this summer, rest assured that I had a heart attack while doing laps. Probably at a world record pace.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Burrito the Golfing Dog

I always feel a little cheesy when I rely on videos for content here in my little corner of the Internet, but really, how could I not post a dog dressed like a little golfer sinking putts?

First, the dog's name is Burrito. That's about as cool as things can get. The only better name for a chihuahua would be Thunderfang or The Dark Lord.

Second, he's dressed just like a little Scottish golfer. How adorable. Its a proven fact that my sister loves dogs that think they're people, so this is even no-brainier.

Thirdly, hole in one for Burrito! Yay!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Gary Busey Speaks on the Oscars

I'm not sure that I could have not posted this video. What a strange, strange man.

I will always love him for his work as Special Agent Angelo Pappas in Kathryn Bigelow's transcendent film Point Break, as well as for the time he threatened to pull the endocrine system out of the body of a man who may have been thinking about putting a straightjacket on him.

The man is a national treasure.

Big Battles in Bed Stuy, Do or Die

Welcome back to Biggie Day here at The Prince of Dundalk (are blog names italicized?).

I had to post this video because it reminds me of growing up on the mean streets of Columbia, Muderland. It also brings back memories of my boy Lil' Roo battling on Rustling Leaf.

He might not have made a rap record but his skills were legendary, as were his impromptu performances in his station wagon and at parties. I wish I could have recorded him dropping "Raw Dogg" and "Lockdown" back in the day. I'd be a rich man.

R.I.P. Biggie

As many of you know (or probably don't. Who are we kidding?), today is the anniversary of the assassination of Christopher Wallace a.k.a. Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G., a.k.a. Frank White, the King of New York.

I won't get into the whole controversy surrounding his death, but I hope Pac is having fun living in hiding. Watch your back, son.

Today make sure that you celebrate Biggie's life and work in the best way you know how. Watch Notorious, listen to Ready to Die or tip out some of your iced latte on the curb for a fallen soldier.

And always remember B.I.G. is watchin'.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Oooooh Dream Weaver! I Believe You Can Get Me Through the Night!

Once again the Crabcake Heiress comes through for The Prince. We bluebloods need to stick together.

I don't think a whole lot needs to be said about this video. It pretty much speaks for itself. What I will take some time to talk about is how profoundly the video affected me.

Many of you that know me, know that I appreciate a sturdy, strong woman. It might be some sort of genetic thing, where I'm looking for good breeding stock in which to plant my seed, or maybe its the beginnings of an S&M fetish. I'm no scientist, so I can't really say.

I just know that I like a strong woman and this chick fits the bill. Women like that are the reason I like the Olympics so much. Its two weeks of powerful women wowing me with their physical prowess and two weeks of me watching TV with my pants off (Just kidding! Or am I?).

My favorite part of the video is when she tenses her thighs and the muscles bulge. She reminds me of Xenia Onatopp from Goldeneye. I also like that the girl decided to film this video in a matching bra & thong and high heels. It adds to the overall class of the situation. For a moment I felt as though I were viewing this in the parlour of Queen Elizabeth.

My gut tells me this woman is a stripper of some kind. I think the thigh tattoo is a dead giveaway. At the very least she teaches pole-dancing fitness classes or is a highly sought-after commodity on Amateur Night at her local titty bar.

But none of that matters. I would love her the way a good man should. If she's reading this: Call me!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Prince's Word of the Day: Eructation

I've got no beef with this word today. In fact, I quite liked it. "Eructation" is defined as "the act of belching; a belch."
I think this word is kind of fun and it helps to class up something I do every day. Something--dare I say it?--that I am very good at.
One of the sentences used as an example comes from John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces, which I think my sister is still trying to finish after about six years of trying.
Way to go,! I have nothing to bitch about. For once, the Word of the Day e-mail gave me a word that I will actually endeavor to use more. Its just a shame it has to do with burping.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Pelican vs. Weatherman

In honor of my sister's visit to Australia I decided to post this fun video of a weatherman getting his ass attacked by a pelican on live TV, which only adds support to my theory that animals make for awesome TV. Any time a late night talk show host has Jack Hanna or someone else come out with an animal, you know hijinks will ensue.

Also, because I have the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old boy (if I'm lucky!), I'm dropping in this video too, also from Australia.

How can they not see how embarrassing this will be? Then again they still do blackface down there so I guess you take what you can get.