Monday, October 5, 2009

Hardees Offers More Shameful Dining Options

As many of you are no doubt aware, I am a fan of fast food restaurants. I know they are awful for me and I normally avoid them, but every once in a while I go on a kick where I actually crave the stuff. That's when I run into problems.

It was during one of these lovely little cravings that I decided to roll the heart disease dice and try my luck with Hardee's new Fried Bologna Biscuit (pictured above). When I first saw this advertised I was a little intrigued. Not because its fried bologna. I'm an old hat at that. It was because I didn't think many other people knew about it or enjoyed it.

Silly me. I do live below the Mason-Dixon line. You'd think that by now I wouldn't be surprised by anything people eat around here. But this one caught me off guard. I guess the jet-set way of life offered in tony Baltimore still hasn't completely jaded me.

Anywho, I snatched one of these bad boys up one morning and grabbed my camera to document the autopsy.

Here is how she looks right out of the package. Its a hot, damn mess as you can imagine. Now take a look under the hood.

There isn't much to it. Its a slice of Oscar Meyer bologna fried up with egg and a slice of cheese on a biscuit. As for the taste, it was OK but nothing to write home about. I think Hardee's is tops in super-fatty breakfast treats but this one didn't quite work for me. I think its because I have spent years perfecting my own method of preparing fried bologna and really like it better than anything a fast food place can cook up.

When I rock a fried bologna sandwich I like it to be thin-sliced deli bologna. Not these thick slices people seem to like. I fried the hell out of it until it starts to burn a little and get crispy. Then I melt some cheese on it. Then it hits the bread (toast or not, depends on the mood) and is topped off with spicy brown mustard. I think it goes without saying that I use more than one slice of bologna and cheese. Sometimes way more than one.

This is basically the family recipe and is not strictly a breakfast item. I will eat this any time of the day. It transcends the silly mealtime constraints of mortal men and rises above like unto manna from heaven.

Its so tasty that I don't even think about how I'm eating lips and assholes. That's how you fry bologna!


  1. Did no one comment on this because you're all ashamed of me?

  2. not at all, i eat spam for godsakes. plus balut (filipino duck egg with duckling inside)which was featured in Fear Factor. I guess thats how you know what you eat is weird.