Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Transformers Candies: A Scientific Study in One Part

If I've learned anything in my 31 years on this planet, it is these two nuggets: I am very resistant to hypnotism and super-susceptible to marketing campaigns. (An Angry Whopper?! Does it make me angry or is it angry? Screw it. I'll take one. With onion rings please.)

Case in point, the Mars Company's new Transformers movie candy offerings. I guess the idea is to dress up M&Ms like Transformers on the wrapper and idiots will buy them just for shits and giggles. Brilliant idea!

While at my local Walgreen's Pharmacy today I was informed of a 3 for $2 deal by the nice gentleman behind the counter. I bit hard. In addition to the regular Peanut M&Ms, I also picked up a Snickers "Nougat Bar" (since when is it a nougat bar) with special yellow nougat.

Holy shit! Bumblebee!

Rounding out my trio of confections is the ungodly sounding Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms. I was not previously aware that you could actually "strawberry" something, but I guess we have Michael Bay to thank. It seems like something he would come up with.

I was on the fence with these things for about a second and then decided to just suck it up and give them a try for you my loyal readers. The man behind the counter gave a glowing review which really swayed my decision. He said that "...some people say that they like them and other people said that they didn't. So, you know." Well, shit. Sounds good.

He later went on to tell me that you only live once and you need to live for the day. You don't know if you're even going to wake up tomorrow. I contemplated these words for a moment and reaffirmed my decision to buy this crap. Mostly because I was only out 67 cents if the M&Ms sucked.

But let's not gloss over the important part of the story. Walgreen's is like a modern-day church of truth. You can pick up candy, soda, condoms and life lessons.

Now on to the RESULTS!

I started with the Snickers "Nougat Bar." Thanks to cutting-edge scientific instruments (my pocket knife) I can bring you guys the straight dope. The package is not bullshitting you. The nougat... is... yellow.

It basically tastes like a Snickers bar though, so nothing too exciting.

Next up was the Strawberried Peanut M&Ms. These don't look too much different than other Peanut Butter M&Ms except for some little red spotties on the shell to denote that they have been, in fact, "strawberried." Take a look at the cross-section.

Nothing too different, or so I suppose. I've never cut a Peanut M&M in half before. It looks like I expected it to look though. As for the taste, once again Mars was not kidding. These Peanut M&Ms are definitely strawberried. I can't really describe it other than to say that it tastes like strawberry-flavored peanut butter inside a chocolate candy shell. Its one of those things you really don't need to try. This isn't the sort of thing you will regret on your death bed.

The really interesting thing about this new abortion of a candy is the doors it opens up. If you can flavor peanut butter what's next. Maybe they can grape up a few of those bad boys and make a sweet PB&J M&M. That's a lot of letters but I think it could work. I guess we kind of have that with these strawberry ones, but I always preferred grape jelly and its my damn idea.

Oh yeah. The regular Peanut M&Ms are just regular Peanut M&Ms and are awesome as always.

In conclusion, Walgreen's was pretty fun. I also got a Sprite from the soda fountain and added a raspberry flavor shot. It sucked shit but it was fun playing mad scientist at the fountain. Next time I go there I promise to pick up a box of Dwight Yoakam's Finger-Lickin' Chicken Fries and give you a full review.


  1. That yellow nougat look NASTY

  2. dig the cross-sections-- can you cut more things in half on this blog?

  3. What do you want me to cut in half? Sandwiches? Tacos? Animals?

  4. Wow, you've been busy-- lots of blogs. In reading this entry, I actually had to write notes on things I wanted to comment on.

    *I remember when Shrek came out and they had green ogre M&M's. Kelley opened them and while I can't remember the full context of the conversation she said something along the lines of, "Of course they're shrek M&M's- they are ORG colored." They were green and big, but she didn't know what an ogre was or something.

    *Strawberry M&M's?? I appreciate their willingness to branch out, but we all know how I feel about berries mixed with something I love so.

    *The yellow nougat reminded me of curry. Must they mix Indian food with something I already love so?

    *Nichole and I were heading into Philly and Snickers had a billboard that had the bar and the wrapper read "Fillionaire." I don't get it... still. Was it a play on it's so packed with nuts and goodness that it fills you up? Were they trying to play on Philly? If that was the case shouldn't they have used a Ph?

    * I did not know Wal-greens had fountain soda. I would have lifted my 6:30pm curfew to accompany you to the store had I known that.