Tuesday, July 13, 2010

They Grow Up So Fast

This little guy had me rolling. He was so excited to see Vanessa Hudgens boobs that he made a video and posted it on the Internet. For those of you that live in a cave (but still have Internet access) or those that haven't landed on the Disney Channel during an airing of one of the High School Musicals, this is Vanessa Hudgens.

Isn't she sweet? Totes. But she also got nasty for Zac Effron and snapped some shots of her cooter and boobs for him and apparently the entire world as well. I guess I can't blame her though. Zac is pretty dreamy. I might be inclined to pose suggestively if it would make him smile.

But I digress. We'll save the Zac Effron man-crush until he does something really bad ass to earn it. 17 Again was good but I'd like to see a little more from him before he gets his own man-crush post.

So anyway, this kid is pretty jacked and I suspect that he might be well on his way to his first boner, unless the first round of Hudgens shots got the job done. And that is what I don't get.

Since this kid is posting videos to the web, I have to assume that he knows his way around a computer. If he knows his way around a computer then I have to assume that he has discovered online porn. He must have. It takes up like half of the Internet already. If all of the above is true, then why in the hell isn't this kid more jaded?

Kids today have it made. When I was young, you were lucky if you somehow scored a porn mag. You were a god at school if you could turn your TV to the Playboy Channel and kind of make out what was going on through the static and scrambles images. This guy has a credit card and high-speed wireless.

He probably knew what bukkake was when he was 4 and has moved on to German scat movies by now. He'll have a latex fetish in high school. Why does he care so much about a teen star's nudes? Is it the idea of forbidden fruit?

I guess I had crushes on older girls when I was his age. I probably don't know what I would have done if I'd seen Belinda Carlisle or Cindy Crawford naked. I do know that my man Greg Nice would have stabbed me in the neck for a chance to see Jennifer Love Hewitt in all her teen glory and even went so far as to sketch a life-size portrait and send it along to her. I guess its not that much of a reach to think tht he would have made videos about her and posted them to YouTube.

I guess this kid isn't all that different than me and my friends, after all. We're all creepy little perverts.


  1. Hahaha--- I forgot about Greggy and the J Love portrait.

    I saw this kid a couple of months ago either on Web Soup, The Soup, or one of those other shows. I remember telling you about it, but I couldn't find it on the internet to back it up. Glad you finally got to see it.

  2. Did Jennifer Love Hewitt put out a restraining order?

  3. JLH decided that discretion was the better part of valor and decided not to involve the authorities.

    Sadly, Greg never heard from her.

  4. I do remember you and Greg had a physical altercation over Madonna vs Cindy Crawford.

    I think the porn industry has a responsibility to make porn sexy again. All this gagging, spitting and ultra aggression is making us older guys turned off. What happened to the Girl Next Door types. They need to understand like the NBA, whatever the pros do trickle down to the playground. Enough titty slapping already.