Wednesday, September 22, 2010

JWoww to Pose for Playboy

My magical, princess-goddess, Jenny "JWoww" Farley (shown here on the back of a motorcycle with a handgun), has struck a deal in principle to pose for Playboy.

I could go for the easy joke and say something about Snooki posing for the magazine, but I think you guys expect more from me, so I'll leave it alone. Besides, most of those jokes have been told already and they were a lot funnier than anything I would have come up with.

Details are still being worked out, but if the gods favor us this day, the Pride of the Jersey Shore will show off the Full Monty sometime this winter for the mere pittance of $400,000. That's a lot of post-bar drunk ham for the eating. Apparently if she had only agreed to go topless it would have been way less money.

So as you can see, this works out for everyone involved. JWoww gets a nice chunk of change and we all get to see some monkey. It's also nice to know that she's the type of girl to go full nude if the price is right. Even Kim Kardashian kept some of it covered. This was after she filmed a sex tape with Ray J, so take that with a grain of salt.

See how classy she is!

As you can imagine, this is big news for guys who like their ladies to bring a little extra elegance to the table. In my kingdom, there is nothing wrong with a chick that goes shopping in ripped jeans and a bikini top. In fact, I am thinking of making it the official dress for the ladies of my court.

My friend Smooth B scoffed at my initial attraction to JWoww but came around after a few episodes of Jersey Shore. All it took was her slinking around the club like a naughty panther and battling some beats like a champ for him to see the light. After she decked a chick for calling Snooki fat, we knew we were dealing with a very special, once-in-a-lifetime woman. Since then, he and I have conferred upon her the highest compliment that we can pay a woman. That's right. We have decided that she is "Ride or Die."

I imagine this will make her party-hosting rate go up, so I would advise you to book her now for my birthday. Maybe you can lock in that rate, while making a young prince's dreams come true.

I'll see you soon, my sweet! Or rather I will see your boobies and taco soon.


  1. "I will see your boobies and taco soon."

    I think you just unwittingly discovered the best pick up line of all time...

  2. That is some sweet verbal milk to kick. If I dropped that line with confidence then I bet I would see the boobies and taco.

    I might even get into the spaghetti house.

  3. well said sir, i like the cut of your jib.