Friday, October 29, 2010

Bloodsuckers Against Twilight

In honor of Halloween, I thought I would show you this brief video of what can best be described as a shit show.

These creepy people decided to have a nice little book-burning to protest Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of vampires in her Twilight series of books/lonely housewife abstinence porn.

I really can't disagree with the Baron there. Meyer yanked the teeth out of vampires with her books. They used to be terrifying and now girls want to date them. That's just not right. I used to be afraid that vampires would break into the house and drain my blood. Then I learned about how they have to be invited into your house. With that fear dispelled, I was only afraid of getting attacked while walking outside at night. So much so that I would anticipate an ambush while walking from my car to the door and we be battle-ready for the quick trip.

That's right. I said my car. I was in my teens and 20s when I first started thinking about this. I didn't say it was a rational fear. My sister is afraid of killer whales. Leave me alone.

Werewolves should also not be big fluffy dogs. They should look mean. My first instinct should not be to rub its belly. I should instinctively choose flight over fight and beat feet. I don't think I can forgive Meyer for that. Don't mess with werewolves.

Hopefully she stops there and we can keep Frankensteins, Creatures from the Black Lagoon, zombies and mummies in the horror world where they belong. I'm sure there are teen mummy love stories out there. If you've thought of one but haven't quite put pen to paper then let me offer you some advice. Don't. They'll just end up in Baron Von Goolo's bin.

Also, is a book-burning the best way to promote a haunted house? You know who else promoted things through book-burnings? Hitler. And we all saw how that turned out.

In summation, Frighttown Haunted House = Hitler. Good night.

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