Friday, July 17, 2009

BK BBQ Double Stackticon Roll Out!

Many people think intelligent design is bunk. The consider it a tool of creationists who have turned their back on science in favor of some retarded theory where God has created everything and dinosaur bones are really the remains of demons left there to test our faith. I'm one of these people that think this is crap.

Or at least I did. This week I experienced something that made me believe that the Hand of God had to have been present during its creation. I'm referring of course to Burger King's BK BBQ Double Stackticon.

Its basically a Double Stacker minus the Thousand Island dressing with Bullseye BBQ sauce added instead. It reminds me of a burger I used to devour as a child. It was basically the same thing except they put the two patties on the longer chicken sandwich roll. It rocked my world and made an indelible impression on me. I thought I would never experience it again until last Saturday night when I was desperate for something to eat after and evening of burlesque.

After tasting this burger I was immediately transported back in time and I knew I was in trouble. To my eternal shame I have been back three times this week. What do I really think?

Is that a Whopper Jr. in the background? Yes. For some reason they keep sticking those in my bag. I'm not sure why.

I would have given it two thumbs up but I needed one hand to take the photo. Its not an attractive looking sandwich but you can go to hell. Its awesome. I'm not one to shill for the man, but if there is even the slightest chance that Burger King officials will see this and maybe give me free food then I had to take it.

It is my sincere wish that this becomes a permanent member of the Burger King menu. Then I won't feel the sense of urgency to eat it. I'll know I can always come back and order the sandwich I crave. (Pssst. You want to know how to make it even more awesome? Put some onion rings on the burger.) This would also help me out because then I can limit my visits to like twice a week. I feel totally naughty today.

The other cool thing about ordering these things is that you get a scratch and win ticket on your cup and fries. So far I have won a Croissanwich, a sausage biscuit, a Whopper Jr. and a cheeseburger. I have been way too many times this week.

Also I've convinced myself that I'm helping the Autobots each time I devour a Stackticon. If I can get to it before it transforms into a tiny beef robot then I feel like I'm helping Shia LaBoeuf and Megan Fox. Its a stretch but I'm really reaching here.

In any event, please keep this Burger King and please give me a Gold Card. If anyone deserves free limitless burgers for life, it is me.

Love Always,

Matt, your handsome Prince of Dundalk.

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