Thursday, January 7, 2010

My Pet Peeves: Recumbent Bikes

So I'm not some mook who doesn't get these things. I understand the advantages of the aerodynamics and weight distribution. I just think they look really fucking stupid.

I've ridden them in the gym and they are preferable to regular bikes. Its a way cushier ride and its nice to not have a numb ass for several days afterwards even with the butt pad shorts. But I really feel like these should stay in the gym. When you take them outside you get this.

Congratulations! You're an asshole. Nice shirt, by the way.

There is a very similar man who likes to ride his recumbent around the streets near my office. I see him several times a week and every time I see him, it’s like it’s the very first time. I roll my eyes, usually mutter some rude words under my breath and try not to make eye-contact with him.

Just yesterday I saw him and the little devil on my shoulder started giving me some wonderful ideas. Since the steering is under the seat area, the chest is basically exposed. I think an awesome prank would be to throw a water balloon, bag of trash, brick, etc. at the rider's chest while they fly past you. They can't bring their hands up quick enough to stop the impact! It would be hilarious! He would probably start swerving and hit a parked car or something. I would then have to beat feet to avoid an assault charge, but really isn't it worth the effort? I'm a simple man who likes simple pleasures.

As much as a bitch about them now, I can totally see myself buying one of these in my twilight years and riding around my neighborhood in bike shorts. I'll wave and smile while my family tries to disassociate themselves from me. I think it fits into the Clark Griswold-esque life I have in store for me quite nicely.


  1. Thank God, someone had the balls to write about this. I totally agree. Perfectly acceptable in a gym setting, major douchiness in the street cred. department. That guy does look like an asshole in that lame shirt.

    Do you think Rollerbladers fit into that category too? I wish we could remember what your big Pet Peeve was the other day. You could write about Idle Office Chatter as a pet peeve series.

  2. I tuck in my shirts now whenever possible... it started spontaneously a couple of weeks ago. I think that 32 is old enough to start getting away with shit like that... I don't think I could pull off a recumbent bike anytime soon but weird hats might not be that far away... I'm really looking forward to full-blown Clark Griswold-hood, too.

  3. When you're ready to come to the dark side, we'll be here for you.

  4. Some day, comfort and speed will matter more to you than the opinions of others. When it comes, I hope you find the bent experience to be all you hope for, and more.

  5. If I cross over it will probably be sooner than later. I'm a gear whore.