My Pet Peeves: Crisscrossed Bacon on My Burgers

WTF, man?

Sometimes people like to ask what you would want as your last meal if you were sitting on death row. A popular answer is steak and lobster or something like that. For the longest time I didn't know what I would want the last taste in my mouth to be. Then one day it hit me. I would want a bacon cheeseburger.

I love bacon cheeseburgers. They may honestly be my favorite food. I could literally eat one everyday if they were good enough. I could probably even do it if they were crappy. As you can imagine I've had my fair share of bacon cheeseburgers over the years and I have discovered one thing about them that really grinds my gears: crisscrossed bacon.

I have no idea what possesses a chef (or cook) to do this. Is it because they would rather I taste the meat? Are they running low on bacon? I don't care about your reasons. Give me more bacon.

Whenever I get a crisscrossed burger, I have to take the overhanging bacon and try and fold it back in so its resting on top of the burger. I shouldn't have to do this, but I do because I don't have any other choice.

I think if you serve a bacon cheeseburger then there should be bacon in every bite. Don't go trying to save my cardiovascular system. If I cared, I wouldn't have ordered a bacon cheeseburger.

Bacon makes everything better, especially burgers. This is just science and you all know better to argue with science. I don't like biting into that baconless dead zone on the burger when I expect to taste crispy, salty manna from heaven.

Here is how a bacon cheeseburger should look.

That'll do, pig.

Not an inch of bare meat. Its perfect.

I'm glad we cleared this up.