Friday, December 4, 2009

In Case You Missed It, MTV's Jersey Shore Debuted Last Night...

... and you really need to be watching this. I thought it would be a True Life-style documentary series that expanded on the "I Have a Summer Share" from years back that might have been the torchbearer as far as making fun of Guidos goes. I couldn't have been more wrong.

What MTV did was pick four guidos and four guidettes from exotic Northeastern locales as New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island and other parts of New York, and jam them into the mother of all summer shares in Seaside Heights, NJ. They get to live there for the summer, but there is a catch... they have to work in a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk! How delicious!

On the first night Nicole, or Snooki, as she is known back home gets really drunk and makes an ass of herself, hitting on all the guys and then whining that no one likes her. She gets sick the next morning and then almost gets fired from the t-shirt shop for being late. She later freaks out because she is not the center of attention and decides to leave because no one likes her. Then the other girls talk her out of it and she decides to go clubbing with them that night to see if she likes it any better.

She is one of the biggest pains in the asses I have ever seen and she really grates on me when she is on the screen, but I think her sticking around will only make the show better. In fact, one of the future clips they show includes her and I won't give to much away other then to say that she may or may not get punched full in the face by some dude at a club. You'll have to watch to find out for yourself!

Other house members include, Mike "The Situation," which may be the worst (or best) self-given nickname of all time; Vinny, the mamma's boy; Ronnie, the juiced up kid from the Bronx who presumably gets a nipple ring this season; Sammi Sweetheart; Angelina "Jolie," the biggest cockblocker on the planet; and DJ Pauly D, Rhode Island's hottest DJ. His catch phrase is "I'm your girl's favorite DJ," which presumably means he intends to take everyone's girl's with his DJ skills. He may have a little competition is Santa is nice to me this years and brings me DJ Hero for the Wii.

Then there is Jenni, or J-Woww.

I found myself strangely drawn to her. She showed up with fake tits, fake hair and a sneer on her face, and I immediately knew she would be my favorite. I totally think her dragon tattoo is boss, too. She works as a car show model and seems super-slutty from the footage they showed of her back home. She has a boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to be an issue for her.

I think in real life I would not even want to be in the same room with this girl, but for the purposes of identifying with a character on the show, it works. My love for her was cemented when she left the bar because she was drunk and wanted to go home and eat ham. She also had a t-shirt that said "I ยช House Music" but I let that one slide.

In all honesty, these people don't seem all that bad. I bet they might even be friendly if they could see past my pale skin and lack of club gear. I think they are just a little too into a guido subculture that really just defies fucking explanation.

I'm an Italian-American and I am proud of it but these guys take that to new heights. They have turned themselves into this bizarre ethnic stereotype. But I guess in the end I can't really fault them. They just like to have a good time. And if you can, at the age of 27-29, take off the entire summer and work in a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk and go clubbing every night, then who am I to judge? Go nuts. Plus, they are bringing the cameras along, which works in our favor.

So far the show rules. They could probably do this every year for the next 20 years like The Real World and there would be no end to the lunacy that they capture. I can't imagine what this show would be like when they're like five seasons in and all the real guidos start auditioning for roles. They could hold American Idol-like casting calls and film that too.

Jersey Shore could become a cultural phenomenon, which would be great news for the hair-care product and self-tanning industries.


  1. I can't wait until this week. I cannot confirm nor deny that I imagined myself as a guidette dating Vinny on the show. It may or may not have happened.

  2. ummmm me too. i can not confirm or deny....

  3. This show is simply awesome!! I can't wait to see more....MTV should have another show called STEREOTYPE HOUSE.

  4. This is a very exciting new era for MTV. I was serious when I said they should do this every year and give these kids the sickest pad in Seaside Heights.

    I also think they should be eligible for the Real World/Road Rules Challenges. Can you imagine how awesome that would be?

    I think Stereotype House is a great idea for a show. We should work up the pitch.