Friday, August 13, 2010

Princess Kendra's Dream Theatre: A Triple Dip

So many of you know my younger sister Kendra, but what you might not know is that she has the most bizarre dreams of anyone I have ever met. I suspect that she eats a handful of mushrooms before going to bed each night. If you don't believe me, ask her about the dream where she took a friendly shower with a headless Matt Lauer. I didn't mean for that to rhyme.

In any event, she normally e-mails me when she has a weird dream and they are too good to not share with the world. Also, I'm hoping a mental health professional might read this and add some insight into exactly what is wrong with her. It would really ease the minds of the whole family.

Without further ado, I give you the first in what promises to be a prolific and neverending new feature here on my blog, Princess Kendra's Dream Theatre!

I had another weird dream last night. I guess it stemmed from my toenail inspection party that I forced you into. I had to go to a doctor's office to get my toenails clipped, but it looked like some weird scientific lab. I was waiting and then this woman came up the stairs with a chimp. She was like, "This is my baby- he's here to get his toenails clipped." So then they lay him on a bed across the room and he turns into a retarded guy. They had a diaper on him while they strapped him in, but it was like a thong-type diaper. I felt guilty because I could see his balls the whole time. And I was thinking, "I want to tell people I saw a retarded guys balls, but they are going to think I am a jerk." It wasn't like I was looking on purpose, they were just out in public.

So then, I'm not sure where the story took this turn or if it was even the same dream. We had some weird house with a pool, but all of our weird neighbors came over. This one girl with a lisp got all flip with me when I asked her where she was going. She was like, "ughhhh.... i'm going in the pool!!!!" She was wearing a two piece and I was thinking, "Whatever, you're a jerk and everyone is going to think you are 5 months preggo," because her gut was all weird.

Then another one, and I've had these before. I forget that I am pregnant. I was in a weird office/bedroom, and when I turned on my computer this notification came on saying, "Hello Kendra, your baby is blah blah blah," and the site was giving me details about how its development is advancing. I thought the father was this kid I went to college with- we weren't friends and I guess just had a one nighter??-- and I was like, "whatever--- I'm just going to tell him. I don't want anything from him, but I guess he should know." Then I was freaking out because I realized I had to tell Mom and Dad. In these dreams, it's like I "forget" that I am preggo, as though it will go away. I learned, then I didn't believe it, kept drinking and having fun, thinking it would go away.

Weird, weird weird.
That was weird? No shit.
I hope you enjoyed our first foray into the subconscious of my sister. If any of you can figure that shit out, let me know, because I don't know what is going on in that head of hers.
The good news is that Kendra goes to sleep every night, so we should have a ton of these to enjoy in the future.


  1. Hooray for the new series! I offer my full support.

  2. Haha-- at least someone does. I've noticed a significant decrease in my friends on Facebook. Sighhhhhhhhh

  3. They probably stopped liking you before this even got posted.

    Your dreamscape is such a goldmine. I can't believe I didn't do this sooner.