Blatant Video Theft Corner: Anchorman is AFI's #1 Greatest Movie

This video is long, but it's a total giggle party.

I liked when Burt Reynolds and Dustin Hoffman cried while remembering the film. I admit that I was moved to tears by Will Ferrell's performance at certain points of the film. Burgundy's love of scotch resonated with me, and when Jack Black punted Baxter off the bridge after getting hit in the face with a burrito and wrecking his bike, I cried so much at Ferrell's anguished character that the film became a part of me.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Turtle Sex

Every now and again I get to thinking that I rely far to heavily on videos for my content. I promise myself that I will only post stuff I come up with on my own and say to hell with the blatant theft of videos from other sites. I'm better than that.

Then I find stuff like this. What kind of man would I be if I didn't share this with my friends? The answer to that question is "The wrong kind of man" or "No man at all."

It's short and sweet and doesn't need much commentary. I will say this: I like the turtle's enthusiasm. It must feel pretty great if he yells "wow" with each thrust. Also, to the girl in the video, it's not nasty. The turtles are making love. It's a beautiful act of doggie style animal sex. Besides, she's the one filming it.

Blatant Video Theft Corner: "Go find yourself a spin cycle!"

This video totally made my day yesterday. When it gets going it just keeps on going. You can see the drying spin-cycling itself to machine death!

This led me to some odd questions. If the dryer had a consciousness, would it know that it was killing itself? Can it tell that something is wrong or does it just keep going, thinking that it is doing its job? If its doing the primary function it was built to do, is that not a fitting end for the machine?

Whoa. Go take a few tabs of the brown acid or some bong rips and then go back and read that again. I just blew your mind!

After I thought through all of that, I started to think about how cool it would be if you could talk to machines. You would never need to use the remote again. You could just ask the TV or cable box to tune into whatever channel you wanted and watch away. But if you did that, what would the remote have to say to you when you stop using it?

Did you just get chills? Your minds are totally blown and you're welcome.

The Prince's Pet Peeves: Guys Who Constantly Flush the Urinal

I have a feeling that about 90% of my audience will have no idea what this is about, but hopefully, the other 10% will.

This particular pet peeve is a men's room staple that I have never understood. If you are one of the offenders, please tell me why you do this. I promise not to judge you. At least not openly.

Invariably, any time I am enjoying a #2 and some cell phone Tetris while at work, someone will come in and disturb my peaceful setting. They march in, sidle up to one of the urinals and get ready to drain the main vein. Here comes the weird part. Before breaking the seal, they flush the toilet and then continue to flush it throughout the entire pee. If the water stops flowing, they hit the lever.

This bothers me for many reasons. One, it is supremely annoying when you are trying to capture a quiet moment away from your desk. Two, it's a total waste of water and that kind of pisses me off. Three, it makes me wonder what in the hell is going on is this dude's kidneys that he can't stand to have his piss in front of him. Is he drinking a lot of coffee? Beer? Paint thinner?

Does it really smell that bad or is it just some weird phobia? (UPDATE: I looked it up after typing that and its called urophobia.Weirdos.) You know what's even weirder? I would totally smell this really stinky pee just to say I did it. Like you wouldn't?

Other men's room pet peeves that I will list in no particular order:

• Guys who undo their whole pant system to use a urinal
• Guys who make a total mess when washing their hands and get the whole place soaked (How does that even happen?).
• Guys who keep sticking their wang through the glory hole even though I did not return the foot tap
• Guys who fart at the urinals

Blatant Video Theft Corner: Cutest Lil' Hockey Fight Ever

I don't think a whole lot needs to be said about this one. As I like to say its "totes adorbs."

I think the kids want to fight because they see it on TV but don't really get the point behind fighting. That in itself is really sweet. They're just little guys right now. Give them a few years and they'll be decking the shit out of each other.

The best part is when the "fight" goes a little too far and Mazza's mom steps in. All she has to do is say his name in that mom voice and he totally backs off. Busted!

I think if the dads had been there they would have let it go on a little bit. Most dads probably wouldn't even think to stop the fight. Men aren't wired like that.

I confess that I probably would have felt a little thrill if I saw my kid try and take down another kid on the ice during rec league hockey. I would definitely stop it before any teeth were lost. I want my kid to be good-looking. He doesn't need to look like a hockey enforcer for his school photos. Besides dentures are expensive.

SEX CRAZY COP

So this beautiful ditty by Leoncie was just pointed out to me today and I have to say that any song with the chorus "Cheap Sex!" is OK in my book.

This music video also features the line “You’re just a lousy cop and not some great detective/ you pick up all those sluts from the street and screw them in secret.” Man. That science is too tight.

Apparently Leoncie gets a lot of grief from people for her music so she added a manifesto to her YouTube page. She writes: "Her success is solely due to the fact that she has worked extremely hard, and professionally at everything she does,despite inteference from Warblers,Pagans,Pirates,Racists, Hypocrites,haters,always drowning in a Hate Filled Existence with their False, Malicious, Unfounded Lies,Fantasies,Hallucinations on the Web."

Preach, sister! That's exactly why my album An Evening of Princely Virtues failed to chart! It was the damn pagans and warblers. Anyway, I'm sending this one out to you Leoncie. I think you know what I'm talking about.

Also, is Leoncie a tranny? I can't tell.

Postcards from the Land of the Rising Sun: Chimp Baseball

So where to begin? First off, it was very nice of that farmer to teach the chimpanzee how to play baseball, even if he isn't very good. The important thing is that he tries really hard. Extra points given for using the Charlie Sheen version of "Wild Thing" from the Major League movies.

But if I'm being honest, the chimp throws like a girl and sucks at fielding ground balls. Was anyone else nervous when they gave the bat to the little guy? I had visions of 2001 in my head and I started to worry about the kind farmer/coach. I guess it was unfounded since the chimp is clearly quite attached to him and figured out the mechanics of batting pretty quickly. He's like a regular Pedro Cerrano.

What I don't understand is the format of the TV show. Are these people contestants or something? Are just supposed to enjoy their reactions to the chimp playing ball? I feel that if you plan on taping people's reactions then you should maybe have something fun or shocking. This really didn't fit the bill. Do these people know they are being filmed?

Anyway, back to the minors with you, little fella!