Party Pizza!

In the battle for my heart, frozen pizzas will always be a contender. Mama Celeste may have been my steady back in the day, but I was always willing to step out on her with Totino's Party Pizza. While both are basically cardboard crust and what passes in the industrial agricultural complex as tomato sauce, I will eat the shit out of these things any day of the week. Its ingrained in me.

I typically ate Mama Celeste (and still do) because it only takes four minutes in the microwave. Totino's was a different story. You had to preheat the oven and then bake it for like 15 minutes, which was unacceptable in most situations for me. I would eat them every once in a while and had very fond memories of those lonely little meals.

You can imagine my surprise when I saw a freezer full of these party treats at my local Wal-Mart. Normally, that place has me white-knuckled in a matter of minutes, but on this day I was lured in by cheap socks and the Transformers 2 DVD. As a child I had no concept of the money spent on my food and drink, so I did a double take when I saw that Totino's pizzas were only $1.25! What the fuck? Were they free when I was 8 years-old? Did inflation not touch the frozen pizza market? Brushing these questions aside, I grabbed a few a ran like the wind back home to pop one in the oven.

I initially decided to eat the Combination pizza, which features an approximation of sausage and what the box referred to as "pizza topping with pepperoni seasoning." Don't fret though, it also said that the topping was made with beef, chicken and pork, so I figured it was legit.

I preheated the oven to 450 degrees and then popped her in for 12 minutes. What emerged from the oven was the stuff dreams are made of.

So glorious! The pizza had an awesome crisp crust with bubbles or something on the bottom, just like I remembered. The "pizza topping" (do you remember the little pepperoni chunks rather than the slices?) was as rad as always and the sausage was just kind of there.

Next time, I may step things up and buy the Classic Pepperoni variety, which eschews the chunks of topping in favor of slices of the real deal. I'm moving up in the world!

In summation, I love these damn things. Do yourself a favor and get some crappy pizzas so you can relive your youth. Its also nice to know that at $1.25 you can eat pretty good while scrapping the bottom of the barrel.

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