Monday, June 14, 2010

Let the Mullet Hunt Begin!

Just so you know, its not all fun and games around here. Every now and again, I roll up my shirtsleeves and really delve deep into the issues that effect your community. I may not like it, but as a good royal I must do it for the betterment of my people.

I came across just such an issue this weekend. I was spending some time with some friends at the Zoo hoping to see some animals do it, when I walked smack dab into this!

In my head I heard the horns sound and I knew the Mullet Hunt had begun! There is a lot going on in that picture so if you need a moment, feel free.

Back? OK, good. On to the analysis. Its kind of a rarity to find a fully formed female mullet in the wild. Normally, they're too lazy to get off the couch and prefer to stick closer to the nest. For some reason, this one decided to leave Pigtown for the day and we are the beneficiaries of this rare surge of ambition.

As you will notice, the hair up top is really, really short. She just doesn't give a shit anymore. Its easy for her to just keep those tight curls where they are and not worry about anything. Did she have kids? Of fucking course she did. People like this don't not breed.

Next, please enjoy the really nice outfit. She employed her good, black bra to try and contain her giant tits. It didn't work so good, boss. Then we have her capris, I guess and her awesome leg tattoo of undetermined origin. Since she is from Baltimore there is a better than average chance she has other tattoos on her person as well. Probably something with a Confederate flag or Winnie the Pooh.

Now lets go for the gold and see what we're dealing with up front.

Ooooooooh! Princess, you're makin' my mouth water!

She was a classy lady too. She didn't scream at her kids at all while we were at the Zoo. I'm fucking with you. You was yelling the whole time. She also interacted with those in my party. When my sister and her friend Kelley were pushing an empty stroller (the kid was out walking), the mullet in question, thinking she caught another mother napping, inquired "Where's da kid?"

With the father, lady. Maybe you should look into that someday. And speaking of her male counterpart, who was definitely not the father of all the children present, look at that dingleberry. He's no better. I'll leave the obvious faults to you and take a moment to point out his negative sideburns. He really took that to the next level. He almost shaved from the crown of his head on down. That's a PWT move if I've ever seen one.

All of these shots were brought to you courtesy of my nice telephoto lens. I was never closer than 10 feet (and that was accidental) so don't be alarmed for your dear, favorite blogger. I escaped unscathed. Those people did leave a stain on my soul that I may have difficulty washing out, no matter how hard I try.

It's really hard being better than everyone.


  1. We saw that totally awesome mullet at the Aquarium too-- what are the odds?

  2. Ughhh... she must have been so hot in those jeans, all tight on those big ol calves.

  3. I think you are pretty much guaranteed to spot something like this in and around the Baltimore area.

    This lady really did pour herself into those pants.