Tuesday, June 1, 2010

So I Guess We'll See This on The Office Next Season

Maybe if Andy proposes to Erin on the show, we'll get to see the whole gang get in on some of this action. We can only hope.

I don't want to cheapen what is clearly a very sweet moment, but really? Do girls actually like this kind of stuff. Do you really want to see your future-husband dancing around like an ass in a public park before he pops the question?

What happened to putting the ring in the glass of champagne and tipping the violinist $20 to play your song? I feel like I need Michael Bay to choreograph an elaborate car chase and blow up an iconic building just so I can keep up with the proposals these days.

I think that maybe I'm just not into the spectacle of the whole thing. I prefer my affairs to have a little more class than that.

When I propose to my future wife I plan to take her out onto a beautiful and romantic yacht. There will be white whine, shrimp cocktail and the dulcet tones of Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins to help a mellow mood permeate the evening. And when the sun is just about to dip below the horizon and the moment is absolutely perfect, I will dive into the still waters and begin fighting a Great White shark (he's in on the act). Right when it seems like I'm about to be defeated, I will plunge my hand into its heart Mola Ram-style and pull out the still-beating organ with a beautiful platinum Tiffany engagement ring attached to it with a velvet ribbon.

Once I've eaten the heart and absorbed the shark's life energy and essence, I will clean the gore off the ring, get down on one knee and ask her to be my forever girl and then demand that she carry my seed. Beautiful, isn't it?

I've always been a bit of a romantic.


  1. Jes would have said "no" for sure if I had attempted anything like that...

  2. Battling a shark or choreographing a dance to a dorky song?

  3. The song... the shark scenario would when over anyone, I think...

  4. Wow, "when" over anyone?? I blame the heat and humidity in my apartment.